[comes flying in a leather suit and the police men are looking at him] What? It's a little tight.

Hancock

Agent 99: Are you staring at my butt?
Maxwell Smart: No, no, I...I was, but I'm not...I'm staring again.

That is a sucker punch to the gonads.

Maxwell Smart

Larabee: I'll do it sir, I have no problem exposing myself.
Agent 99: Do you ever think before you open your mouth?
Larabee: No, I tend to just whip it out there.

Maxwell Smart: There are 150 special forces snipers surrounding this building.
Siegfried: No there's not.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 2 dozen Delta Force commandoes?
Siegfried: No.
Maxwell Smart: How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun.

Well, you've done your job, so I don't suppose I can kill your wife Zenat. Although frankly I'd be doing the sighted world a favor.

Siegfried

Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

Agent 99: I used to look like my mom.
Maxwell Smart: I used to look like two of my moms put together.

Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking, "Holy shit, holy shit, a sword fish almost went through my head"? If so, the

[to Agent 99] Is that your default setting or something? Oh, today's Tuesday, I'll punch Max. Oh look, a box of kittens, I think I'll punch Max. I have this piece of bread so now I'm going to punch Max.

Maxwell Smart

Rail Crossing Crowd #2: Your breath smells like alcohol!
Hancock: That's cause I've been drinking bitch!

Stephanie: You're a virgin?
Luke Shapiro: No. Naw. I just haven't officially had sex yet.

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