Popular Comedy Quotes
Harry: Not only have you refused to kill the boy, you even stopped the boy from killing himself, which would've solved my problem, which would've solved your problem, which sounds like it would've solved the boy's problem.
Ken: It wouldn't have solved his problem.
Harry: Ken, if I had killed a little kid, accidentally or otherwise, I wouldn't have thought twice. I'd killed myself on the fucking spot. On the fucking spot. I would've stuck the gun in me mouth. On the fucking spot!
Eirik: I can't see! I can't see!
Ray: Of course you can't see! I just a shot a blank in your fucking eyes!
Ray: A lot of midgets tend to kill themselves. The disproportionate, I meant. I heard of Billy Chase offed on Fantasy Island. I think somebody offed on Time Bandits. I suppose they must get really sad about like being really little and that people looking at them, laughing at them, calling them names. You know, short arse. There's another famous midget. I miss him but I can't remember. It's not the R2D2 man; no, he's still going. I hope your midget doesn't kill himself. Your dream sequence will be fucked.
ChloÃ«: He doesn't like being called a midget. He prefers dwarf.
Ray: This is exactly my point! People going around calling you a midget when you want to be called a dwarf. Of course you're going to blow your head off.
Ken: You from the States?
Jimmy: Yeah. But don't hold it against me.
Ken: I'll try not to... Just try not to say anything too loud or crass.
Marie: [to Ray and Harry] Why don't you both put your guns down, and go home?
Harry: Don't be stupid. This is the shootout.
Ken: See Jimmy, my wife was black, and I loved her very much. And in 1976, she was murdered by a white man. So where the fuck am I supposed to stand in all this blood and carnage?
Jimmy: Did they get the guy that did it?
Ken: A friend of mine got him.
Ray: Harry Waters got him.
Harry: Well, really, the way I see it it's all your fucking fault now isn't it? You try to rob someone with blanks in your gun and he gets the jump on you, takes your gun away and shoots the blanks in your face blinding you, so he had to get pretty close to do that. It's your own fault for being such a big gay fairy now isn't it?
Eirik: I thought you wanted to kill him.
Harry: I do. But that still doesn't mitigate the fact that youâ€™re a fucking pansy, now, does it?
Ray: Do you think this is good?
Ken: Do I think what's good?
Ray: You know, going around in a boat, looking at stuff?
Ken: Yes, I do. It's called sight-seeing
[while brushing teeth] Altogether, I've had five pints of beer and six bottles...no...six pints of beer and seven bottles, and you know what? I'm not even pissed.Ray
Ken: Ray, did we or did we not agree that if I let you go on your date tonight, you'd do the things I wanted to do today?
Ray: We are doing the things you wanted to do today.
Ken: And I would do them without you throwing a fucking moody, like a five year old who's dropped all his sweets.
Ray: We didn't agree to that.
I don't hit women. I would never hit a woman, Chloe. I'd hit a woman who was trying to hit me with a bottle. That's different. That's self-defense, isn't it? Or a woman who could do karate. I would never hit a woman generally, Chloe.Ray
Harry: I'm glad he likes it there. I'm glad we were able to give him something, something good and happy. Because he wasn't such a bad kid, was he?
Harry: He wasn't a bad kid, was he?