Chip Douglas: [eating chicken at Medieval Times] Can I have your skin?
Steven Kovacs: Sure.
Chip Douglas: Check this out.
[places pieces of chicken skin over his face]
Chip Douglas: Silence of the lambs!
[imitates Hannibal Lecter]
Chip Douglas: Hello, Clarice. It's good to see you again.
[bursts out laughing]
Steven Kovacs: Oh lord.

Steven Kovacs: What's going on?
Chip Douglas: It appears that we're going to do battle, Steven.
Steven Kovacs: Is this a normal part of the show?
Chip Douglas: No, but I gave all the knights free cable. They thought it would be cool if we went at it for a while.
Steven Kovacs: Is it safe?
Chip Douglas: Sure, that's what the armor's for. Come on.

Steven Kovacs: Don't be mad. Can't you get somebody else?
Rick: Sure. Maybe I'll take MY cable guy.

Steven Kovacs: What are you doing?
Chip Douglas: I'm just talking trash.
Steven Kovacs: You ruined the game.
Chip Douglas: I don't appreciate your tone, Steve. Friends aren't supposed to talk to each other that way...
Steven Kovacs: What are you talking about? We're not friends. I don't even know you.
Chip Douglas: Well let's change that. Let me buy you a Heineken.

Shaun: I have to go to college.
Cindy: Why?
Shaun: Because it's what you do after high school.

Do you want me to get naked and start the revolution?

Lance

Ashley: You know how you told me that every night before you go to bed you'd pray that you'd get into Stanford?
Shaun: Yeah?
Ashley: Well the other night I prayed for something too.
Shaun: What?
Ashley: I prayed... that you wouldn't get into Stanford.
Shaun: [astonished] Why?
Ashley: Well I didn't really think it was gonna work!

A writer? What do you have to write about? You're not oppressed. You're not gay.

Bud Brumder

Principal Harbert: People, June is just around the corner, let's talk graduation speakers. Ideas?
Shaun: Toni Morrison, she's in town that same weekend for a book signing. She's won the Nobel Prize.
Principal Harbert: Interesting... Dana, didn't you say you have a cousin who was friends with Britney spears?

Shaun: Mom, you know money can't buy happiness...
Cindy: Oh grow up, yes it can!
Shaun: But you and Dad have money and you're both miserable.
Cindy: ...He's miserable?

Look Shaun, I'm sorry you didn't get into Stanford. But if you think that going here is the only way that you can be the person you want to be, well then I just feel sorry for you.

Ashley

Shaun: Lance, I want you to stay in your room.
Lance: Why?
Shaun: Because you're an embarrassment.
Lance: OK!

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