Popular Comedy Quotes
I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.Evan
Amber: Was I the only one listening? I thought it reeked.
Cher: No, I believe that's your designer imposter perfume.
I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.Cal Naughton, Jr.
Tom: You told me that it was gonna be two years. It's sort of like when you're on a treadmill, and you tell yourself "I want to run five miles today" and now, it's forever miles...
Violet: When was the last time you were on a treadmill? Sorry...
Officer Martone: [notices the jail door keys in the jail door, and Jackson sitting inside the cell reading a book] Hey, Jackson's trying to escape!
Tarik: What are you talking about? I'm just sitting here.
Officer Reilly: He's trying to break free! Get him!
Tarik: Aw, shit.
[gets up and spread eagles on the cell wall, while still holding the book in one hand]
Officer Martone: Don't move. Stop resisting! We need back up now! He's got a gun!
Tarik: That's not a gun, that's a book.
Officer Reilly: Secure the book!
Officer Palumbo: Book is secure. You bring this filth
[book is on human rights]
Officer Palumbo: in here? What is this shit?
Harry Dunne: Whoa, Lloyd. Check out the hotties at 12 o'clock.
Lloyd Christmas: That's three hours away. Why can't I check 'em out now?
Josh: Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?
Cher: Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are.
Josh: Stop it, you're making me blush.
I don't wanna die like Hendrix man!Jeff Portnoy
The name's so sexy you gotta say it twice.Moto Moto
Number 2: Dr. Evil, can you continue with your plan?
Dr. Evil: Of course, Number 2, our plan is SCOTTY DON'T.
Scott Evil: Oh, come on, you're such a lame ass.
I am angry. I mean I am spitting angry. I'm like a tornado of anger, swirling about.Phil Weston
Coach Norton: By the way, did you boys take care of that bitch that was gonna marry Silverman?
Wayne: Uhh yeah, yeah we snuffed that broad just like ya said
Coach Norton: Good, how'd ya do it?
Wayne: We um...
J.D.: Ate her...
Coach Norton: You ate her?
Wayne: Yea, we ate her
Coach Norton: My hat goes off to you, you boys are smart, that's the perfect crime.