Bill: Hey Ted. Don't fear the reaper.
[air guitar]
Grim Reaper: I heard that!

My name is Joel Goodson. I deal in human fulfillment. I grossed over eight thousand dollars in one night. Time of your life, huh kid?

Joel Goodson

I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

Walter Sobchak

[about keeping her virginity] You see how picky I am about my shoes ... and they only go on my feet!


Frank: I just wanna tell you guys thanks for being here. Best day ever.
Beanie: Frank, you need to walk away from this right now.

I hate you Kenny.

Eric Cartman

There's sperm everywhere. I cracked a blanket in half.


[singing along with the radio] Don't you wish your girlfriend was as hot like me? Don't you wish your girlfriend was a FREAK like me?


President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Cookie?
Col. Denton Walters: No, thank you, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: Young lady?
Michelle Rodham Huddleston: No, thank you, sir.
President Thomas 'Tug' Benson: No, I was just offering him a young lady.

Evan Baxter: And I'm Evan Baxter and here's what's making news. A potential scandal with the Buffalo P.D. surfaced today when the mayor d-bow debit
[choked off]
Evan Baxter: [high pitched] D-bow d-bit d-bow
[unintelligible chicken squawking]
Evan Baxter: Bucka-bow, dee buck.
Director: Someone get him some water please.
Susan Ortega: Looks like my new co-anchor may need a glass of water.
Evan Baxter: [clears throat] Oh, there we go. Sorry about that. In other news the Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today and my tiny little nipples went to France.

Maxwell Smart: There are 150 special forces snipers surrounding this building.
Siegfried: No there's not.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe 2 dozen Delta Force commandoes?
Siegfried: No.
Maxwell Smart: How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun.

Now our masterpiece will never happen because we won't be fueled by Satan!


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