Jake: [Looking at stick figure drawing] Who's that?
Janey: It's my mother.
Jake: You have her eyes.

[Talking about after her mom's death] It was so hard. I had to take on all of her responsibilities. Cooking... cleaning... breast feeding Mitch.

Janey

Mitch: No longer will our penises be flaccid and unused.
Bruce: No longer we steal grandfather's porn.
Ox: No longer we will wear blindfolds while jerking each other off.

Bruce: Mitch, girl go pee-pee not something I want to see-see.
Ox: I agree-gree.

My Freshmen year I threw 176 touchdown passes. My sophomore year I ran in 14 myself... with a sprained ankle, a broken phalange, a ruptured duodenum, and a sub dermal hematoma.

Austin

Janey: You never noticed my glasses and my ponytail.
Jake: And don't forget the paint-covered overalls.
Janey: Right... you never noticed those either.

Malik: What are you doing here?
Other black guy at party: What do you mean?
Malik: I am supposed to be the only black guy at this party.
Other black guy at party: Oh, damn. Shit.
Malik: I know, I know.
Other black guy at party, Malik: [Together] It's whack.

And now the moment every popular guy who's made a bet to turn a rebellious girl into prom queen has been waiting for.

Mr. Cornish

Areola: But I don't need the class schedule. I only come to this country to be object of lust for poor nerds who cannot get American pussy.
Mr. Cornish: Well, isn't that wonderful?

Jake: Where's Janey?
Austin: Little Ms. Run Home To Her Daddy, ran home to her daddy.

Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique rebel.
Mitch: It sounds more like you're a lesbo.
Mr. Briggs: Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone.
Janey: Thank you, daddy.
Mr. Briggs: If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision.

Hey guys, welcome to the party. If you're gonna have sex, please - do it in my parent's bedroom.

Preston

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