Popular Comedy Quotes
Alex Rose: I can't work here. I've been trying. It's impossible. I've written three pages in the last six weeks. Three pages! The book is due on Wednesday. If we don't hand in the book I don't know what we're gonna do. We can't pay for anything. We can't pay for the runners, for the stools. We can't pay for the tanned jello bowl that you like. We can't pay for your little happy mug vase thing.
Nancy Kendricks: Well, what if you got out of the house for a little while and went to write at, like a Starbucks or something?
Alex Rose: And what? You're gonna stay here and try to find work while she has you running around doing things for her? Doing all the little errands, all the little chores that she asks you to do? I don't think you could take it. I love you, but honestly, I've been there and I don't think you could take it.
Nancy Kendricks: I can take it. I'll be fine.
She's watching Riverdance. I didn't know people still watched Riverdance.Alex Rose
Mrs. Connelly: I couldn't help noticing that Alex left the house this morning while you stayed home.
Nancy Kendricks: I was downsized from my job.
Mrs. Connelly: Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm sure it's for the best. Let Mr. Rose get out there and bring home the bacon. I always thought it was strange your husband staying home while you were out there providing.
Nancy Kendricks: Well, he's a writer.
Mrs. Connelly: Writer? The man naps more than a newborn pup. What's he writing about? Sheep?
Mrs. Connelly: Mr. Rose, could you sprinkle some salt on the steps. They're terribly icy.
Alex Rose: You better not go outside then.
[walks outside and slips on the steps]
Nancy Kendricks: [Mrs. Connelly leaves to run errands] Okay, come on. We don't have that much time.
Alex Rose: I know. She's running errands. That only gives us twelve hours.
Sandy Lyle: Reuben, I'm in a situation here. We have to leave now.
Reuben Feffer: No. Can we stay a couple more minutes?
Sandy Lyle: Dude, no. This is serious. I just sharted.
Reuben Feffer: I don't know what that means.
Sandy Lyle: I tried to fart and a little shit came out. I just sharted. Now let's go.
Reuben Feffer: You're the most disgusting person I've ever met in my life.
Polly Prince: You wanna come upstairs and have sex?
Reuben Feffer: Huh?
Polly Prince: I'm kidding!
It's not about what happened in the past, or what you think might happen in the future. It's about the ride, for Christ's sake. There is no point in going through all this crap, if your are not going to enjoy the ride. And you know what... when you least expect something great might come along. Something better then you even planned for.Irving Feffer
I've been living my life, okay? I've been in good relationships and I've been in shitty ones... and I've moved alot... and I've been happy, and I've been sad... and I've been lonely... and that is what I've been doing. Which is a lot more then I can say for some freak, who thinks he's gonna get the Ebola virus from a bowl of mixed nuts.Polly Prince
I know that I have a .013% chance of being hit by a car on my way home. Or a one in 46,000 chance of falling through a subway grate. So I try to manage that risk by avoiding danger and having a plan and knowing what my next move is. And I guess you don't exactly live your life that way. Yeah... which is great, but I'm not gonna ever be a dirty dancer, and I don't eat food with my hands, and I really like you, but I just don't think this is gonna work out.Reuben Feffer
Since we have been together I have felt more uncomfortable, out of place, embarassed, and just physically sick then I have in my entire life. But I could not have gone through that, I could not have thrown up 19 times in 48 days if I was not in love with you.Reuben Feffer
Cake Decorator: Hey, aren't you that kid from Crocodile Tears?
Sandy Lyle: That's right. I'm Sandy Lyle.
Cake Decorator: Man I saw that movie in high school. That bagpipes scene, that was the funniest shit.
Sandy Lyle: Yeah, we had a good time on that picture. You want an autograph?
Cake Decorator: No, thanks. It's good to see you man. I thought you died like fifteen years ago.
Sandy Lyle: No. I'm very much alive, my friend.