The Dude: Look, just stay away from my fucking lady friend.
Da Fino: Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.
The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive.

Gill: My first escape. Landed on dentist tools. I was aiming for the toilet.
Nemo: The toilet?
Gill: All drains lead to the ocean, kid.
Nemo: Wow. How may times have you tried to get out?
Gill: Ah, I lost count.

Who's the U-Boat Commander?

Service Manager

Cruiser: I joined the army 'cause my father and my brother were in the army. I figured I better join before I got drafted.
Sergeant Hulka: Son, there ain't no draft no more.
Cruiser: There was one?

Jedediah: No problemo, Gigantor.
Larry: Um, my names Larry, first of all okay, Jed? See I call you Jed, I don't call you tiny.
Jedediah: What's that supposed to mean?
Larry: Hey teeny, how does that sound?
Jedediah: I... I don't like it. It hurts my feelings.
Larry: Okay, well Gigantor makes me sound like a freak.
Octavius: I don't. I just call you Larry.
Larry: Don't be a kiss-ass.

Walter Stratford: Where's your sister going?
Kat Stratford: She's meeting some bikers. Big ones. Full of sperm.
Walter Stratford: Funny.

Trent: So, what'd you think of that Dorothy girl?
Mike: The whole Judy Garland thing kinda turned me on. Does that make me some kind of fag?
Trent: No, baby, you're money.

I've got a goddamn plan!

Valentine McKee

Danny Noonan: I can't pay you. Lou has to.
Tony D'Annunzio: Where is he?
Danny Noonan: He's out.
Tony D'Annunzio: I can see that he's out, numbnuts.

Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes Mr. Powers? I designed them myself.

Dr. Evil

Hey, Rick! I never made a slam dunk before. Thanks for the boost.

The Cable Guy

[after learning from an investigator that Margot had been previously married and has had affairs with both men and women] So, she smokes.


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