Popular Comedy Quotes
Saul: Red! You came back! Man, you lied to me. You said you had herpes and Dale said you didn't.
Red: I know Saul. I'm sorry. It's just, after all this, and seeing this guyâ€™s nuts get smashed with my Daewoo, I love you man.
Red: I want to be inside you, homes!
Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it's a roach. It's a joint. I have anorexia. Honest I thought it was decriminalized.
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I'm the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids comin' around the corner with their eyes as red as the devil's dick!
Tibby: Are you sure it was a real one?
Brian McBrian: Yes, I'm sure! My uncle gave it to me for graduation, I was saving it.
Tibby: For two years?!
I just fell off a *donkey*!!!Tibby
Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes " Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and grabs me by the weiner.Dale Doback
Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges!Judith
Wayne: So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.
Judith: That's right.
Wayne: I'm in a related field.
Judith: Really? What is it?
Wayne: Pest and rodent removal.
Judith: How is that related?
Wayne: We both help people.
Coach Norton: By the way, did you boys take care of that bitch that was gonna marry Silverman?
Wayne: Uhh yeah, yeah we snuffed that broad just like ya said
Coach Norton: Good, how'd ya do it?
Wayne: We um...
J.D.: Ate her...
Coach Norton: You ate her?
Wayne: Yea, we ate her
Coach Norton: My hat goes off to you, you boys are smart, that's the perfect crime.
J.D.: Die, replacement-friends!
Wayne: Eat this, Fake Wayne!
J.D.: Do you want anything to drink?
Judith: Scotch on the rocks
J.D.: Do you want ice with that?
J.D.: Dude, what does a mime look like when he's having sex anyway? Probably like,
[making obscene gestures with his hands]
J.D.: 'I'm a mime! I'm a mime!' Ha ha ha!
Wayne: Dude, mime's don't talk.
J.D.: They do when they're off duty.
I don't have much time, guys. I have to go home and wax Judith's legs.Darren