Popular Comedy Quotes
if you're always thinking about the future, then you kinda forget about the present.Van Wilder
Thomas: Should I wear my top up ...
[lifts top up]
Thomas: ... or down?
[pulls top down]
Thomas: Or up!
[pulls top up again]
Thomas: Or possibly... tucked in?
[tucks in top]
Rufus: You are the great great great great great GREAT great grand-niece ... of Jesus Christ.
Jay: So that would make Bethany... part black?
Lord Farquaad: Tell me where are the others.
Gingerbread Man: Eat me.
Rachel Rose: You write all your own sermons, right?
Rabbi Jake Schram: Actually I download them off the net, there's this great site www.hotgod.com.
Rachel Rose: Really?
[Anna kicks him under the table]
Rabbi Jacob "Jake" Schram: Ooh hoo, no.
Billy Hoyle: You calling me ugly?
Sidney Deane: Your mother did.
Bruce: What if I need you? What if I have questions?
God: That's your problem, Bruce. That's everybody's problem. You keep looking up.
Airplane Stewardess: [lisping] Peanuts?
Ace: Yes, I have one right here. It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.
Its gonna be a really tough project, you're gonna have to use your head, your brain and your mind too.Dewey Finn
Ben: You forgot my last name, didn't you?
Lindsey Meeks: No, I just... blanked.
Ben: No, I bet when you talk to your friends you call me Ben the School Teacher.
Well why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.Beanie
Lee: Why would they not want my help?
Carter: Because they don't give a damn about you! They don't like you! I don't like you!
Lee: I don't care! I'm here for the girl!
Carter: The girl don't like you! Nobody likes you!