Dale Denton: Yeah but if you do bad stuff you're going to come back as something bad like a slug or an anal bead. But if you do something heroic then you'll come back as like an eagle or a dragon, or Jude Law. Now which would you rather be?
Red: The anal bead wouldn't be bad. I mean I guess it would depend on whose anal bead it was.
Dale Denton: It's *my* anal bead.

Red: [points to his armpits] You see this? There's no hair under here!
Dale Denton: What's the significance of that?
Red: It makes me aerodynamic, for fighting!

Fuck Jeff Goldblum.

Saul

Saul: BF... FF?
Dale Denton: Best Fuckin’ Friends Forever Man!

Kostos: We are no good at not loving each other...
Lena: I tried. I tried, but I couldn't.
Kostos: I tried too...

Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!

It's not "stealing" if you're family. But, seriously, don't tell your mom.

Robert 'Fish' Fishman

A lot of elevators play Celine Dion - that doesn't make it right.

Robert 'Fish' Fishman

Some people carry a rabbit's foot, I like to rock a pocket of puke.

Robert 'Fish' Fishman

John Lennon is rolling over in his grave to hide the giant boner you just gave him!

David Marshall

[as they approach the "lake" by the "cabin"]
Debbie Dingman: Under no circumstances is that a lake.
Tim Dingman: Maybe there's a tide?

[outraged] Shit doesn't just disappear!

Tim Dingman

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