Popular Comedy Quotes
You kicked Checkers, you're prejudiced and you have a potty mouth.Betsy Jobs
Roger that Burt, and congratulations. Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more motherhumpers.Valentine McKee
With desire, focus, and the willingness to treat every obstacle as an opportunity, it's amazing what you can accomplish.Mini
Jamie: I'm so late.
Jamie's Girlfriend: It's just round the corner, you'll make it.
Jamie: Are you sure you don't mind me going without you?
Jamie's Girlfriend: No, I'm just feeling so rotten.
Jamie: I love you.
Jamie's Girlfriend: I know.
Jamie: I love you even when you're sick and look disgusting.
Jamie's Girlfriend: I know. Now go or you will actually miss it.
Jamie: Right. Did I tell you I love you?
Jamie's Girlfriend: Yes you did, get out, loser!
Lawrence: Well what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter Gibbons: I'd relax, I would sit on my ass all day, I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin. He's broke, don't do shit.
Janey: I read Sylvia Plath, I listen to Bikini Kill and I eat Tofu. I am a unique rebel.
Mitch: It sounds more like you're a lesbo.
Mr. Briggs: Hey, Mitch, now leave your sister alone.
Janey: Thank you, daddy.
Mr. Briggs: If Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision.
Adolescence is a marketing tool.Elaine Miller
I got off that boat with nothing but my dancers belt and a tube of CHAPSTICK!Corky St. Clair
Will Burton: So, how big is this whole bandslam thing around here?
Sam: Texas high school football big.
Sonny, true love is the greatest thing, in the world - except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomato is ripe.... mmm... they're so perky, I love that.Miracle Max
Sydney: Society tells us we're civilized but the truth is we are animals. Sometimes we just have to let it out. Try it.
Sydney: Good. Now gently remove your tampon and try again.
You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.French Soldier