Popular Comedy Quotes
Number One, why aren't you in when I fucking told you to be in? Number Two, why doesn't this hotel have phones with fucking voicemail and not have to leave messages with the fucking receptionist? Number Three, you better fucking be in tomorrow night when I fucking call again or there'll be fucking hell to pay. I'm fucking telling you - Harry.Harry
Peter Gibbons: Boy, I'll tell ya, some days... One of these days it's gonna be just like
[He mimics the sound of a machine gun. Brian, a waiter, walks up and does the same and laughs]
Brian: So can I get you gentlemen something more to drink? Or maybe something to nibble on? Some Pizza Shooters, Shrimp Poppers, or Extreme Fajitas?
Peter Gibbons: Just coffee.
Brian: Okay. Sounds like a case of the Mondays.
Ed: You want to take a dingy?
Frank: No, I took care of that at the press conference.
Earl Bassett: Must be a million of them!
Valentine McKee: Nope, just one!
What's up, vanilla face?Borat
Hey, Bud, let's party!Jeff Spicoli
Rita: Where were you?
Phil: [referring to Ned] It was awful. A giant leech got me.
Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Go have fun now. You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won't have to come back here.Guido
Perry's Pizza Waitress: Linda, Linda, there he is. There's that guy from the stereo store. Don't you think he looks like Richard Gere?
Linda Barrett: Did you see his cute little butt?
Uzi Tenenbaum: Who's your father?
Chas: His name is Royal Tenenbaum.
Ari: You told us he was already dead.
Chas: Yeah, well now he's really dying.
Rob: You don't look at the things you have. You only look at the stuff you don't have. Those guys are right about you, you're money.
Mike: Then why won't she call?
Rob: She won't call because you left.
When the fantasy has ended/and all the children are go/ I feel that something inside me/comes to carry on/I ate some bugs/I ate some grass/I use my hands/To wipe my tears/To kiss your mouth/I break my vows/No, no, no, no, no, no way jose/And if you want to/we can break our vows together/Nacho