Popular Comedy Quotes
Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes " Oh my god, I've had the old bull now I want the young calf" and grabs me by the weiner.Dale Doback
Don't make me take away your masturbation privileges!Judith
Wayne: So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.
Judith: That's right.
Wayne: I'm in a related field.
Judith: Really? What is it?
Wayne: Pest and rodent removal.
Judith: How is that related?
Wayne: We both help people.
Coach Norton: By the way, did you boys take care of that bitch that was gonna marry Silverman?
Wayne: Uhh yeah, yeah we snuffed that broad just like ya said
Coach Norton: Good, how'd ya do it?
Wayne: We um...
J.D.: Ate her...
Coach Norton: You ate her?
Wayne: Yea, we ate her
Coach Norton: My hat goes off to you, you boys are smart, that's the perfect crime.
J.D.: Die, replacement-friends!
Wayne: Eat this, Fake Wayne!
J.D.: Do you want anything to drink?
Judith: Scotch on the rocks
J.D.: Do you want ice with that?
J.D.: Dude, what does a mime look like when he's having sex anyway? Probably like,
[making obscene gestures with his hands]
J.D.: 'I'm a mime! I'm a mime!' Ha ha ha!
Wayne: Dude, mime's don't talk.
J.D.: They do when they're off duty.
I don't have much time, guys. I have to go home and wax Judith's legs.Darren
Wayne: So, Coach, how's your parole coming?
Coach Norton: Not good. The victim's whiny family keeps complaining
J.D.: God! What is their PROBLEM?
Darren: You're a lot stronger then you were in high school.
Sandy: Yeah, well, the convent's got a great gym.
She used her super-intellect on me! She's like Hanibal Lecter.J.D.
Wayne: Our enemy is wicked, so...
J.D.: Dude, she's Freddy Krueger.
J.D.: Dude, she's Vader.
Wayne: No! She's the Emperor.
J.D.: Yeah, but with really great tits.
Wayne: Ok, now Sandy, that girl, she's a real nice girl.
J.D.: Ah, yeah.
Wayne: She's a sweetheart.
J.D.: Dude, a saint.
Wayne: A goddess.
J.D.: A princess.
Wayne: No what? She's kinda like Mother Teresa.
J.D.: Yeah, but with way better tits.