Durell: Um, excuse me?
Rickey: Excuse you? Don't nobody even know you!

Well, boys, I reckon this is it - nuclear combat toe to toe with the Roosskies. Now look, boys, I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches, but I got a pretty fair idea that something doggone important is goin' on back there. And I got a fair idea the kinda personal emotions that some of you fellas may be thinkin'. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even be human bein's if you didn't have some pretty strong personal feelin's about nuclear combat. I want you to remember one thing, the folks back home is a-countin' on you and by golly, we ain't about to let 'em down. I tell you something else, if this thing turns out to be half as important as I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when this thing's over with. That goes for ever' last one of you regardless of your race, color or your creed. Now let's get this thing on the hump - we got some flyin' to do.

Major T. J. "King" Kong

We're going to play a wonderful game called... "Who is my daddy and what does he do?"

Detective John Kimble

What do you mean he don't eat no meat? [the entire room stops, in shock] Oh, that's okay. I make lamb.

Aunt Voula

Who the hell said take the cricket from my hand?

Master Wong

[realizing how round his frame is] Whoa, I gotta lay off da nuts!

Pip in Andalasia

Sister Encarnación: Wrestling is ungodly Ignacio. People cheer for him... and he is a false idol.
Nacho: Whatever.

Becca: Your cock is so smooth!
Evan: You would too... if you were a man.

Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?
Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.

Have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!


Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.


He's always chasing the pot of gold, but when he gets there, at the end of the day, it's just corn flakes.


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