Carrie Bradshaw: Well hunny, what have you been eating?
Samantha Jones: Everything except Dante's dick.

I feel like Danny Glover before he got too old for this shit.


Nobody has gotten a B.J. in cargo shorts since Vietnam!


Say, did you hear about the person of the Polish persuasion who walked into a bar with a big 'ol pile of shit in his hands and he says, "Look what I almost stepped in"?


Inigo Montoya: [drunk] I - am - waiting - for - Vizzini...
Fezzik: You surely are a meanie.
Inigo Montoya: [smiles]
Fezzik: Hello.
Inigo Montoya: It's you.
Fezzik: True!

Wait a minute. I might just have an idea. They'll be looking for us at Maury's right? But they won't be looking for... not us.

Derek Zoolander

Now you take that diaper off your head and you put it back on your sister!


These cans are defective!

Navin R. Johnson

Now that's what I call high quality H2O.

Bobby Boucher

Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling


[Josh and Billy hand her Josh's pay check of $187.30]
Bank Teller: How would you like that?
Josh: [after he and Billy discuss it] Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill and 87 ones.

Gareth: I've got a new theory about marriage. Two people are in love, they live together, and then suddenly one day, they run out of conversation.
Charles: Uh-huh.
Gareth: Totally. I mean they can't think of a single thing to say to each other. That's it: panic! Then suddenly it-it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock.
Charles: Which is?
Gareth: He'll ask her to marry him.
Charles: Brilliant! Brilliant!
Gareth: Suddenly they've got something to talk about for the rest of their lives.
Charles: Basically you're saying marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.
Gareth: The definitive icebreaker.

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