Rabbi Jake Schram: Oy.
Father Brian Finn: Amen to your oy.

You don't understand. I have a relationship with my phone, we have a chemistry together, I can't explain it.

Anna Riley

God was showing off when he made you.

Rabbi Jake Schram

May those who love us, love us. And those who don't love us - may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles, so that we may know them by their limping.

Indian Bartender

Indian Bartender: Let me guess. Your old lady got fed up because you're out here chasing the skirt so she took these little ones and left you.
Father Brian Finn: It's a little more complicated than that.
Indian Bartender: Sure it is. Everyone thinks his story is the one with a twist. Well let me tell you, I've heard just about everything there is to...
[Brian unzips his jacket, revealing his priest's collar]
Indian Bartender: Holy shit.
Father Brian Finn: Exactly.

Sometimes we don't see certain things until we're ready to see them in a certain way.

Father Brian Finn

So this is a rectory. That sounds like a dirty word. Rectory!

Anna Riley

[On Brian falling in love with Anna...]
Rabbi Jake Schram: I mean, she's like your sister!
Father Brian Finn: Thank you for adding new depth to my confusion.

I work harder than God. If He had hired me, He would have made the world by Thursday.

Anna Riley

Rachel Rose: Oh my God! The Iraqi defense minister just committed suicide!
Rabbi Jake Schram: Ooh! Is that bad or good?

I have been a priest over 40 years, and I fell in love at least once every decade.

Father Havel

Anna Riley: Don't you have work?
Rabbi Jake Schram: We're doing a hostile takeover of Congregation Bertov Sholem.

FREE Movie Newsletter