Saul: How about in the park, when I said you were my friend... you didn't say anything back.
Dale Denton: Well, that's easy. It's because we're not friend. You are my drug dealer, the only reason I know you is because I like the drugs you sell. If you didn't sell drugs, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn't be here right now. I would be fantastic!

Scientist: Private Miller, you've been smoking item nine for nine minutes. How do you feel?
Private Miller: I feel like a slice of butter... melting over a... big ol' pile of flapjacks... yeah.

Saul: Man, why'd we have to go to the woods?
Dale Denton: Well you didn't come up with any ideas!
Saul: Yeah, I came up with two! Nowhere and Quizno's.

It's almost a shame to smoke it. It's like killing a unicorn...with, like, a bomb.

Saul

[after kissing April] I am so lesbian right now.

Jessica (in Clive's body)

April: So... do you really have a penis?
Jessica (in Clive's body): I don't think you get the gravity of the situation here.
April: Can I see it?
Jessica (in Clive's body): April!
April: Sorry... can I see it?
[Jessica gives April a dirty look]
April: Come on, it's not every day that your best friend grows a penis.

Jessica (in Clive's body): Hildenburg, I'm sorry I humiliated you in front of the whole school and the visiting eighth graders, but you have no idea what it's like... to wake up every morning... and have to shave your chin.
Hildenburg: [crying] Yes, I do.

Ling Ling, you forgot your bling bling.

Korean Mother

Out of all the Korean liquor stores, why did my dad have to walk into that one?

Ling Ling

Clive (in Jessica's body): I'll make you a deal. You just let me make another 500 bucks tonight, OK. Then, I'll give you your body back because it soooo important to you.
[mockingly]
Clive (in Jessica's body): Waa waa I'm crying about my body... And then, you can just loan it to me every other weekend so I can pay off some gambling debts.

I wish my momma bought me some bling-bling.

Venetia

You can put your weed in there.

Bongo Player

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