Popular Comedy Quotes
Dottie: Pee-wee, how are you ever going to pay a reward like that?
Pee-wee: It's simple. Whoever returns the bike is obviously the person who stole it. So they don't deserve any reward!
Do I really look like I want to go to fucking Buffalo?Laurel Pearson
Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch.Terrence
This is a super fine machine.Terry Fields
Alan Klien: I suck! They're gonna take away my Yamulkha!
Rabbi Jake Schram: No you don't. You don't suck.
Alan Klien: I suck.
Rabbi Jake Schram: Yes, all right, you do. You suck. But that's ok, you're supposed to suck. This isn't a talent contest, it's a rite of passage.
Harold: So what are you in here for?
Tarik: For being black.
Tarik: I am serious. You wanna know what happened. I was walking out of a Barnes & Noble, and a cop stops me. Evidently, a black guy robbed a storein Newark. I told him, "I haven't even been to Newark in months." So he starts beating me with his gun, telling me to stop resisting arrest.
Harold: Holy shit! What'd you do?
Tarik: I kept saying, "I understand I'm under arrest. Now please stop beating me."
Harold: I don't understand how you can be so calm about all this.
Tarik: Look at me. I'm fat, black, can't dance, and I have two gay fathers. People have been messing with me my whole life. I learned a long time ago there's no sense getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time. In the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. Plus I have a really large penis. That keeps me happy.
Luvven Coddle: I sense a, a yearning in you. A, a searching, almost, as if you're lost. You've been lost for a long, long time. Am I right? You found Jesus, Al.
Al Fountain: Why? Is he missing?
Lee: Ah! Beach Boys!
Carter: Oh, hell no! You didn't just touch my goddamn radio!
Lee: The Beach Boys are great American music.
Carter: The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin'. Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man!
Mike: [to Rock the Vote crowd] Yea! Kill whitey!
Rastafarian: No! No! No!
I love your eyes. I even love... your mother.Johnny
Hey, Sydney! I could be in Venice by five. I could do that.Peter
The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides.
The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.