Popular Comedy Quotes
Bianca: People expect me to be there!
Walter Stratford: Kat's not going, you're not going!
Bianca: Why can't you be normal?
Kat Stratford: Define normal.
Bianca: Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal.
Walter Stratford: What's a Bogey Lowenstein?
Kat Stratford: Bogey's party is just a lame excuse for all the idiots at our school to drink beer and rub up against each other in hopes of distracting themselves from the pathetic emptiness of their meaningless...
Bianca, Chastity: ...meaningless, consumer-driven lives.
It's brown water! I'm paying seven-hundred dollars a month, I got rats with bongos and a, and a frog and I got brown water here.Isaac Davis
Isaac Davis: Has anybody read that Nazis are gonna march in New Jersey? Y'know, I read this in the newspaper. We should go down there, get some guys together, y'know, get some bricks and baseball bats and really explain things to them.
Party Guest: There is this devastating satirical piece on that on the Op Ed page of the Times, it is devastating.
Isaac Davis: Well, a satirical piece in the Times is one thing, but bricks and baseball bats really gets right to the point.
Richard Vernon: You're not fooling anyone Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.
Bender: Eat my shorts.
Richard Vernon: What was that?
Bender: Eat... My... Shorts.
Richard Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday.
Bender: Ooh, I'm crushed.
Richard Vernon: You just bought one more.
Bender: Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.
Tell a person that you're the Metatron and they stare at you blankly. Mention something out of a Charlton Heston movie and suddenly everybody is a theology scholar.Metatron
Jack: Do not drink too much. Do you hear me? I don't want you passing out or going to the dark side. No going to the dark side!
Miles Raymond: Okay!
I'll kick everyone's ass in this room!Mike Dexter
Oh, you know what? Next week's no good for me... The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it's totally fine.Alan Garner
[to Deborah] Lately, your low self-esteem is just good common sense.Evelyn Norwich
Fascinating. Semmi, look at this. America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, you can throw out broken glass on the streets.Prince Akeem
Andrew Largeman: Can you imagine being the guy whose job it is to argue for the right to build a mall on top of a geological phenomenon?
Mark: They love their malls here, man.
Lydia: Those three idiots crashed the party!
Mac: Who? The Kardashian girls?