Teacher: Now, I'm returning your papers on the Salem Witch Trials. I'm sad to report that Eden here got the only A.
Jessica: That's not fair. She's the only one who was actually there.
Eden: [Everyone laugh as Eden chants] Hexum maleficium spiritum sanctum nostradumus!

You're the only boy who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time.

Jessica

Venetia: Oh no, she didn't?
Sissy: Oh yes she did!
Venetia: [commenting on Ling-Ling's hot outfit] Girlfriend's booty be all wrapped up in licious!
Sissy: All wrapped up.
Ling Ling: You're pretty dope and phat yourselves

April: Ok, let's make a list of all the people that hate Jessica.
Lulu: You know what would be a shorter list? All the people that don't hate Jessica.
Jessica: You bitch!

You're not ashamed of me. You're really ashamed of yourself. Tell Lulu, easy on the chronic.

Korean Mother

Jake: Maybe this one will put out unlike that cold fish, Jessica.
Jessica (in Clive's body): YOU GO TO HELL!
Jessica (in Clive's body): Whoever left these showers on, go to hell.

Bianca: Hi Jessica, you look great. Are you doing anything different or just hanging out with skankier friends?
Jessica: You look good, too, Bianca. Are you eating less or just barfing more?
Monique: Barfing more.

Jessica (in Clive's body): [grabs Clive's drink as he's about to drink it] There'd better not be any alcohol in that!
Clive (in Jessica's body): Oh, no no no. This is a VIRGIN Scotch on the Rocks.

Jessica (in Clive's body): How come you didn't snitch on me?
Booger Spencer: Cuz you're my sister and I accept you for who you are.
Jessica (in Clive's body): Come here;
[hugs him]
Jessica (in Clive's body): You're such a little weirdo.

Jake: She was a fun ride, no doubt about it, but she is a previously owned vehicle and I'm into that new car smell.
Jessica (as Clive): You asshole!
Jessica (as Clive): Whoever left these towels here is an asshole.

Robert 'Fish' Fishman: 1991 called, they want their teenage angst back.
Amelia: No, they just called again they want that joke back.

Some people carry a rabbit's foot, I like to rock a pocket of puke.

Robert 'Fish' Fishman

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