Raoul Duke: I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney. He's not just some dingbat I found on the strip, man. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But that doesn't matter, though, does it? Are you prejudiced?
Hitchhiker: Hell no.
Raoul Duke: I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is very valuable to me. Oh, shit. I forgot about the beer. You want one?
Hitchhiker: No.
Raoul Duke: How 'bout some ether?
Hitchhiker: What?
Raoul Duke: Never mind.

So what are we gonna do? Come on, think! I'm not going to an English prison. With my feathery blond hair and Chon's athletic build, they'll try to make us the bell of the ball.


Bianca: You suck!
Kat Stratford: [Mocking Bianca] You suck!

Airplane Stewardess: [lisping] Peanuts?
Ace: Yes, I have one right here. It's bulky, but I consider it carry-on.

FYI, I have beat wholesale ass for a whole lot less.


Billy, listen to me. White men can't jump.

Sidney Deane

Hitch: Lean in, place your hand on the small of her back, say it in her ear like a secret. But watch your hand placement, too high says, 'I just wanna be friends,' too low says, 'I just wanna grab some ass.'
Albert: [making holding gestures at different levels] Okay... Friends. Ass. Me.

That groupie? She was a Band-Aid! All she did was love your band. And you used her, all of you! You used her and threw her away! She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan. You guys, you're always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans; she was your biggest fan, and you threw her away! And if you can't see that, that's your biggest problem. And I love her! I love her!

William Miller

Look at me! I'm a doe and I'm a buck. I'm a DUCK!


Oseary Drakoulias: By the way, who knocked up the journalist?
Steve Zissou: I'm not sure.

Pat Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumbass.

[Talking about after her mom's death] It was so hard. I had to take on all of her responsibilities. Cooking... cleaning... breast feeding Mitch.


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