Popular Comedy Quotes
Maria Portokalos: Ian, are you hungry?
Ian Miller: Uh no, I already ate.
Maria Portokalos: Okay, I make you something.
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, heck, if you wanna play games here! I'm workin' with ya on this thing, but I... Okay, I'll do a damned lot count!
Marge Gunderson: Sir? Right now?
Jerry Lundegaard: Sure right now! You're darned tootin'!
My Freshmen year I threw 176 touchdown passes. My sophomore year I ran in 14 myself... with a sprained ankle, a broken phalange, a ruptured duodenum, and a sub dermal hematoma.Austin
[to Elizabeth] One word love; curiosity. You long for freedom. You long to do what you want to do because you want it. To act on selfish impulse. You want to see what it's like. One day you won't be able to resist.Jack Sparrow
Wax on, wax off.Metatron
Bob Rogers, Jr.: I get the feeling we're gonna run into each other again and one of us could end up looking like shit.
Jack Ryan: I got a headstart on you in that department. It's not fair.
Charlie Jensen: Is it the frank or the beans?
Ted: Um ... I don't know ... both I guess.
Warren: [from outside] Franks and beans! Franks and beans!
Charles: Let me ask you one thing. Do you think - after we've dried off, after we've spent lots more time together - you might agree NOT to marry me? And do you think not being married to me might maybe be something you could consider doing for the rest of your life?
Carrie: I do.
Raoul Duke: I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney. He's not just some dingbat I found on the strip, man. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But that doesn't matter, though, does it? Are you prejudiced?
Hitchhiker: Hell no.
Raoul Duke: I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is very valuable to me. Oh, shit. I forgot about the beer. You want one?
Raoul Duke: How 'bout some ether?
Raoul Duke: Never mind.
[answers phone] Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?Buddy
So what are we gonna do? Come on, think! I'm not going to an English prison. With my feathery blond hair and Chon's athletic build, they'll try to make us the bell of the ball.Roy
Brodie: The usual vault rules apply: Touch not, lest ye be touched.
T.S. Quint: You're such an anal retentive bastard.
Brodie: Hey, I tried to teach you how to handle comics in the sixth grade, but oh no. You wanted to play little league.