Popular Comedy Quotes
Jake: Maybe this one will put out unlike that cold fish, Jessica.
Jessica (in Clive's body): YOU GO TO HELL!
Jessica (in Clive's body): Whoever left these showers on, go to hell.
Bianca: Hi Jessica, you look great. Are you doing anything different or just hanging out with skankier friends?
Jessica: You look good, too, Bianca. Are you eating less or just barfing more?
Monique: Barfing more.
Jessica (in Clive's body): [grabs Clive's drink as he's about to drink it] There'd better not be any alcohol in that!
Clive (in Jessica's body): Oh, no no no. This is a VIRGIN Scotch on the Rocks.
Jessica (in Clive's body): How come you didn't snitch on me?
Booger Spencer: Cuz you're my sister and I accept you for who you are.
Jessica (in Clive's body): Come here;
[hugs him]
Jessica (in Clive's body): You're such a little weirdo.
Jake: She was a fun ride, no doubt about it, but she is a previously owned vehicle and I'm into that new car smell.
Jessica (as Clive): You asshole!
Jessica (as Clive): Whoever left these towels here is an asshole.
Robert 'Fish' Fishman: 1991 called, they want their teenage angst back.
Amelia: No, they just called again they want that joke back.
Some people carry a rabbit's foot, I like to rock a pocket of puke.
Robert 'Fish' Fishman
John Lennon is rolling over in his grave to hide the giant boner you just gave him!
David Marshall
Lower my voice.
Matt Gadman
Kirk Lazarus: [to Tugg Speedman] Huh! What do you mean "You People?"
Alpa Chino: [stares at Lazarus, and then gets angry] What do you mean "You People?"
Kirk Lazarus: What?
That's C-4, man.
Cody
[as Simple Jack] You make my pee-pee maker t-t-tingle.
Tugg Speedman
