Popular Comedy Quotes
Like a blind man at an orgy, I was going to have to feel my way through.Frank Drebin
Carla Dunkirk: You are headed for some serious trouble.
Matt Saunders: I hear you, Homegirl. I got it.
Anna McDoogles: I was just masturbating.
Mark Bellison: That... makes me think of your vagina
I love that word "relationship." Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it? I fear that this has become a bad relationship. A relationship based on the President taking exactly what he wants and casually ignoring all those things that really matter to, erm... Britain. We may be a small country but we're a great one, too. The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot. David Beckham's left foot, come to that. And a friend who bullies us is no longer a friend. And since bullies only respond to strength, from now onward, I will be prepared to be much stronger. And the President should be prepared for that.Prime Minister
Sugar: [admiring a large fish trophy] What is it?
Junior: It's a member of the herring family.
Sugar: A herring? Isn't it amazing how they get those big fish into those little glass jars?
Junior: They shrink when they're marinated.
Rob: How does he do it, you ask. How does
Rob: how does an average guy like me become the number one lover-man in his particular postal district? He's grumpy, he's broke, he hangs out with the musical moron twins...
Heather McNamara: God, aren't they fed yet? Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
Veronica Sawyer: Oh, sure. Pilgrims, Indians... Tator Tots. It's a real party continent.
You know what word I'm not comfortable with? Nuance. It's not a real word. Like gesture. Gesture's a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.Modell
So God is picking on you?Grace
Topper Harley: Nice place.
Ramada Thompson: It's okay. The only problem is I have a nosy landlady. Well, I guess this is goodnight.
Topper Harley: I don't want to go back.
Ramada Thompson: You don't have to. I don't want to be alone. And by the way... I can go all night, like a lumberjack!
Topper Harley: What about your landlady?
Ramada Thompson: You can do her too.
The urine stain on your pants signifies that you are a single-shake man, far too busy for the follow-up jiggle.Ace
I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.Derek Zoolander