Popular Comedy Quotes
[Silent Bob is trying to levitate a cigarette]
T.S. Quint: What's he doing?
Jay: Shithead here watched Empire and Jedi last week and ever since then, he's been trying to do the Jedi mind trick. The crazy fuck thinks he can levitate shit with his thoughts.
[slaps the cigarette out of Silent Bob's hand]
Jay: Knock it off.
Brodie: [to Silent Bob] The force is strong with this one.
Jay: Dude, don't encourage him.
Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away. Don't like it? Megabyte me.Bruce
You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome.Hunter Patch Adams
Congratulations Taj, your first blow job!Van Wilder
Kevin: [in Jane's apartment, with her showing off her dresses as she pulls out a loud-looking Gone With The Wind dress] What is that?
Jane: [holding the dress up to herself] Theme wedding!
Kevin: What was the theme? Humiliation?
Jeremy Grey: How many times you gonna do this bullshit? Rule #32: never commit to a relative unless you're absolutely positive they have a pulse.
John Beckwith: Rule #16: give me an up-to-date family tree, that was your mistake, you just made me look like an idiot.
Jeremy Grey: Rule #76: No excuses. Play like a champion!
Carl Peterson: And this whole Lance Armstrong thing...
Dupree: You leave Lance out of this! He's doing more with one testicle than you and I could do with three!
Richard Hayden: Housekeeping. You want mint for pillow?
Tommy: Please go away. let me sleep. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
Richard Hayden: Housekeeping. You want me jerk you off?
Tommy: What kind of hotel is this?
Hello up there. Is the movie over? I'm still down here... and I'm still in quite a lot of pain. Maybe someone in the lobby could call an ambulance. Oh, the pain is really quite severe. I... I've fashioned a makeshift splint. Here goes nothing. Aaaa...Mustafa
Santa: That's another thing... Buddy you should know that your father... he's on the naughty list.
You were right about one thing you are a CPA, a certified public asshole!Leo Bloom
Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.