How you served five years under her, I don't know. You deserve a medal, or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody.

Aldous Snow

Peter Bretter: Is she coming this way?
Rachel Jansen: Yep.
Peter Bretter: I wish I wasn't wearing this fucking shirt.

Sarah Marshall: Do you want to put some clothes on!
Peter Bretter: Oh, would you like to pick out the outfit that you break up with me in!

If you don't have a drummer, then why do you have drums you fist-full of assholes?

Norah

Let's dance, douche bag!

Norah

Thom: Would someone mind telling me where we're going?
Norah: You know how some people like to eat at the same places?
Nick: Yeah.
Norah: Well Caroline likes to puke in the same places.

Nick: You two must be great friends.
Norah: Yeah, I'm a great friend. It's always been like this. I'm the squire in Caroline's never-ending quest for attention.

It was a great night, my hetero heroine.

Dev

[about the concert]
Norah: Are you sorry we missed it?
Nick: No. This is it.
[they kiss]

Drunk Guy in Yugo: Are you off duty?
Nick: This isn't a cab.
Drunk Guy in Yugo: Are you off duty?
Nick: It's not a cab, my friend, I promise you.

I never wash my pants. I like to keep the night on them.

Nick

Why would you buy these pants?

Nick

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