Popular Comedy Quotes
It's not that I don't like you, I just don't like to eat with other people.
Danny
I'm in a rut, we're in a rut. Let's shape things up. I have an idea, let's get married! I don't have a ring...
Danny
I'm not here to service you, I'm here to service these young boys.
Gayle Sweeny
Peter's mom: Peter always connected better with women.
Zooey: You know, I can see that because he is a great boyfriend.
Peter: Thank you fiancee.
Peter's dad: Also, you got to understand, Zooey, Peter matured sexually at a very early age. I remember taking him swimming when he was twelve-years-old, kid had a bush like a forty-year-old Serbian.
Peter: Oh come on!
Sydney: Hey check out these, too. That guy needs to fart.
Peter: That guy seems to be clenching.
Hey, Sydney! I could be in Venice by five. I could do that.
Peter
Peter: Do you need a plastic bag, or....
Sydney: Oh no. I don't clean up after my dog.
Sydney: Society tells us we're civilized but the truth is we are animals. Sometimes we just have to let it out. Try it.
Peter: Baaah!
Sydney: Good. Now gently remove your tampon and try again.
Zooey, you're about to marry a pleasure giver that's for sure.
Sydney
Don't eat the corn dogs.
Bobby
The world has no use for another scared man. Right now, the world needs a fucking hero.
Ronnie Barnhardt
Ronnie Barnhardt: Yuens, you guys are my infantry. One of you dies, God gave me another one.
Matt Yuen: Okay.
John Yuen: Awesome.
