Popular Comedy Quotes
Hell of a damn grave. Wish it were mine.Royal
He's always chasing the pot of gold, but when he gets there, at the end of the day, it's just corn flakes.Morty
Lou [shouting from a rooftop to the '80s teenagers below]: "Hey, John Lennon gets shot!...
[To himself:] Wait, did that happen yet?"
J.T.: Hey there, little Yankee boy. Look what I got.
Vinny Gambini: What is it?
Vinny Gambini: Bring it here, let me see it.
[J.T. presents a roll of bills]
Vinny Gambini: How do I know that's not a bunch of ones with a twenty wrapped around it?
J.T.: [after short pause] It's two hundred bucks.
Vinny Gambini: Fan it out, show it to me.
[pause. J.T. stuffs the roll back in his pocket]
Vinny Gambini: Yeah, right.
Lt. Dixon Piper: "How did you know I was wearing a bullet proof vest?"
MacGruber: "You're wearing a bullet proof vest?! Awesome!"
[while choking Bart for laughing at him] I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!Homer Simpson
I'll tell you what I am - I'm the damn paterfamilias! You can't marry him!Ulysses Everett McGill
Brian Johnson: I'm a fucking idiot because I can't make a lamp?
John Bender: No. You're a genius because you can't make a lamp.
I'm a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time?Hitch
Bill: I'm Bill S. Preston, Esquire!
Ted: And I'm Ted "Theodore" Logan!
Bill, Ted: And we are... WYLD STALLYNS!
I'm from Holland. Isn't that vierd?Goldmember
[Hal is going to make his move on some unattractive girls]
Hal: I'm going for the one in the middle. You can have your pick of the other two.
Mauricio: So you get the hyena, and I have to choose between the hippo and the giraffe?