I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar.


Ben: What’s up little man.
[mocking him]
Basketball Kid: What’s up little man?
Ben: What you about 3’10″, 3’11″?
Basketball Kid: Yeah but you know what I’m gonna do, grow! What you gonna do, stretch?

Mike: What the hell was that?
Steve: A chunk in the road or something.
Mike: I just chunked in my pants.

Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy Madison: OOH. That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's Go.

Andy: [hysterically] I should've let him look at my body! Don't I have a beautiful body? Don't I have a beautiful body?
Brandon Walsh: You've got a great body.
Andy: How many more years do I have before I get all fat? Before my hair falls out? Before I look like him?

I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind.

Ed Rooney

Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.


I've had it! I've had it with wobbly-legged, rum-soaked PIRATES!

Elizabeth Swann

Foxxy Cleopatra: Hey. What's kickin', Basil?
Basil Exposition: A lot is kicking, Foxxy.

Want a Twinkie, Genghis Khan?


Lewis: Wait, what does Cornelius look like?
Wilbur: ...Tom Selleck.

[filling out paperwork] Name? Austin Danger Powers. Sex? Yes please!

Austin Powers

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