Popular Comedy Quotes
Ramada, I do love you. I've tried to forget you but no matter what, your face is on the tip of my tongue.Topper Harley
Father, is this my husband-to-be? He's a toad. If the Emperor is so fond of him, why doesn't he marry him?Princess Pei Pei
Dean Pritchard: Listen, Chang.
Megan Huang: It's Huang.
Dean Pritchard: Whatever.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: Are we - are we safe in here?
Steve Zissou: I doubt it.
Klaus Daimler: Do you still want to blow him up?
Steve Zissou: No, we're out of dynamite anyway.
Eleanor Zissou: It is beautiful Steve.
Steve Zissou: Yea, it's pretty good isn't it... I wonder if it remembers me...
Police Chief Grady: I'm sorry about that delousing. Just standard procedure.
Farva: It's powdered sugar.
Police Chief Grady: The lice hate the sugar.
Farva: [deadpanning] It's delicious.
You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it.Joyce
Mitch: I've had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some fucking sleep.
Beanie: Whoa. Whoa. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say "earmuffs" to him, and you can say "Fuck, shit, bitch."
Frank: Cock. Balls.
Beanie: I'm just trying to make a point, Frank. You don't have to celebrate it.
Anna Riley: I read your sarin gas report. It was very powerful.
Rachel Rose: Thanks, I really earned my stripes with that piece.
Rabbi Jake Schram: I earned my stripes by getting through a bris without fainting.
Bethany: Then - I don't mean to sound ungrateful - but what are you doing hanging around?
Jay: We're here to pick up chicks.
Bethany: Excuse me?
Jay: We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fuck?
I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar.Jay
Ben: What’s up little man.
Basketball Kid: What’s up little man?
Ben: What you about 3’10″, 3’11″?
Basketball Kid: Yeah but you know what I’m gonna do, grow! What you gonna do, stretch?
Mike: What the hell was that?
Steve: A chunk in the road or something.
Mike: I just chunked in my pants.