I could tell she knew what I was feeling, we all are orphans in Zombieland.

Columbus

[to Tallahasse] Are you some type of cock blocking robot developed in some secret fucking government lab?

Columbus

[discovers Hostess truck filled with Sno-Balls] Sno-Balls? Sno-Balls? I hate coconut! Not the flavor, but the consistency.

Tallahassee

[a zombie kills an obese man] Poor fat bastard.

Columbus

[a zombie is crushed by a falling piano] Poor flat bastard.

Columbus

Columbus: There are no penguins in the North Pole.
Tallahassee: ...You wanna see how hard I can punch?

Pretty soon life's little Twinkie gauge is gonna go empty.

Tallahassee

[Upon finding a Hummer filled with rifles] Thank god for rednecks!

Tallahassee

[after being taken hostage by Little Rock] Don't shoot me with my own gun!

Tallahassee

Okay. You're about to learn who you're gonna call... Ghostbusters

Columbus

[to Columbus] You're thinking about fucking Wichita. Well congratualations because for the past twenty-four hours, she's been fucking both of us.

Tallahassee

He sets the standard for "Not to be fucked with."

Columbus

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