Ramada, I do love you. I've tried to forget you but no matter what, your face is on the tip of my tongue.

Topper Harley

Father, is this my husband-to-be? He's a toad. If the Emperor is so fond of him, why doesn't he marry him?

Princess Pei Pei

You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it.


Jay: I'm going to be there to rear your child.
Jason: You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!

Bethany: Then - I don't mean to sound ungrateful - but what are you doing hanging around?
Jay: We're here to pick up chicks.
Bethany: Excuse me?
Jay: We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be there unless they like to fuck?

I feel like I'm Han Solo, and you're Chewie, and she's Ben Kenobi, and we're in that fucked-up bar.


Ben: What’s up little man.
[mocking him]
Basketball Kid: What’s up little man?
Ben: What you about 3’10″, 3’11″?
Basketball Kid: Yeah but you know what I’m gonna do, grow! What you gonna do, stretch?

Mike: What the hell was that?
Steve: A chunk in the road or something.
Mike: I just chunked in my pants.

Old Farm Lady: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy Madison: OOH. That is the grossest thing I've ever heard in my life. Let's Go.

Mark: Don't put me in this position where I have to fuck my way out of a corner!
Leo: He'll do it too. I've seen him.

Police Liaison Officer: What the hell is that? What the hell is that?
Dale Denton: Oh, oh, it's a roach. It's a joint. I have anorexia. Honest I thought it was decriminalized.
Police Liaison Officer: Selling drugs to minors has *not* been decriminalized. I'm the police liaison officer with this school and I just saw a bunch of my kids comin' around the corner with their eyes as red as the devil's dick!

Charlotte York: I always knew she'd marry Big.
Samantha Jones: You thought that after the second break up?
Charlotte York: Yep.
Miranda Hobbes: After the fifteenth?
Carrie Bradshaw: Ha ha, we broke up a lot.

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