Popular Comedy Quotes
And I can't believe fine-ass bitches like yourselves eat that shit. Don't you know fast food makes girls fart?Jay
Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true."
Cher: Hamlet didn't say that.
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.
Quentin Hapsburg: Que sera sera... You do speak French, don't you?
Lt. Frank Drebin: Unfortunately no, but I do kiss that way.
That's C-4, man.Cody
Jake: Maury, we need $5,000 fast.
Maury Sline: $5,000? Who do you guys think you are, The Beatles?
I missed dinner last night because I got drunk with little Irish people.Frank Falenczyk
Lewis: Why would his motto be "Keep moving forward?"
Wilbur: It's what he does.
Lewis: What does that mean?
Wilbur: That is an excellent question.
Ace Ventura: WOW., Ray Finkle's house, I can't wait to meet him
Mr. Finkle: Ray ain't coming home
Ace Ventura: But your wife said you expect him home any minute
Mr. Finkle: She expects him home any minute, see the engine's running but there's nobody behind the wheel. Eight years ago our son escaped from Shady Acres Mental Hospital in Tampa, and they're still bugging us to pick up his stuff.
Bob Falfa: Hey, you know a guy around here with a piss yellow deuce coupe, supposed to be hot stuff?
Terry Fields: You mean John Milner?
[Falfa nods slowly]
Terry Fields: Hey, nobody can beat him, man. He's got the fastest...
Bob Falfa: [cutting him off] I ain't nobody, dork! Right?
Terry Fields: [intimidated] Uh... right.
Bob Falfa: Hey, you see this Milner, you tell him I'm lookin' for him, huh? Tell him I aim to blow his ass right off the road.
[possessed by Zuul] Take me now, subcreature.Dana Barrett
Raoul Duke: Alright listen to me. In a few hours, she'll probably be sane enough to work herself into some kind of towering Jesus-based rage at the hazy recollection of being seduced by some kind of cruel Samoan who fed her liquor and LSD, dragged her to a Vegas hotel room and then savagely penetrated every orifice in her little body with his throbbing, uncircumcised member.
Dr. Gonzo: That's so ugly, man!
Raoul Duke: Fuck. Truth hurts.
Never in my wildest imagination did I ever dream I would have sons like these.Herman Blume