Popular Comedy Quotes
It's all happening!Polexia Aphrodisia
Thorny: [after pulling car over] Do you know how fast you were going back there?
College Kid 1: Umm... 65?
College Kid 1: But... isn't the speed limit 65?
Thorny: Yeah. It is.
College Kid 2: [stoned] I'm freakin' out, man!
The Kid: You used to be a cheerleader, didn't you?
Purlene Dupre: Yeah, in the fourth fuckin' grade.
The Kid: And your hair's not really blonde, is it?
Purlene Dupre: Yes, it is.
Floatie Dupre: No it's not, her hair's red, she's a redhead, she's got a bright red bush.
The stress is killing me.Mikey Abromowitz
Dos thus have thou a mug of ale for me and me mate, for he hath been pitched in battle for a fortnight and has the king's thirst for the frosty brew dos thou might have for thus!Chip Douglas
[about Tracy] Her pussy gets so wet you can't believe it.Dave Novotny
If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.Lloyd
Grace: It's weird. I woke up this morning and I swear my boobs felt bigger. Do they look bigger to you?
Taggart: [learning Bart is the new sheriff of Rock Ridge] Now if that don't beat all. Here we take the good time and trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West, and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff that's blacker than any Indian. I AM depressed.
Lyle: Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir, but I sure do hate to see you like this. What if me and the boys was to shoot that nigger dead? Would that pep you up some?
Taggart: That might help...
Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again.
Jess: You'll never have to be out there again.
[gleefully] Rome wasn't burned in a night.Joe
He's no goodfella, He's a BAD-fella!Barry B. Benson