Stu Price: You do know counting cards is illegal, right?
Alan Garner: It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon. Like masturbating in an airplane.
Phil Wenneck: I'm pretty sure that's illegal, too.

Alan Garner: Hey what's that on your arm?
Stu Price: Oh my God - Phil, you were in the hospital last night.
Phil Wenneck: Yeah, I guess I was.
Alan Garner: Are you okay?

You should probably go, Doctor Faggot.

Melissa

[in awe] Great Gatsby!

Amelia Earhart

Well, if it ain't Mr. "Big-in-the-Britches", himself!

Jedediah

General George Armstrong Custer: Any questions?
[Sacajawea raises her hand]
General George Armstrong Custer: [Mumbles her name]
Sacajawea: That is not my name.
General George Armstrong Custer: Sacajamea?
Sacajawea: No.
General George Armstrong Custer: Sac, Sack-in-a-box?
Sacajawea: No.
General George Armstrong Custer: Cinco De Mayo. Mission Accomplished.

Kah Mun Rah: [dramatically] I have come back to life!
Larry Daley: No, I heard that. I got that. Welcome back.

Hey baby, check out the gun show going on over here. BOOM BOOM! Firepower!

The Thinker

Larry Daley: Sorry, I don't mean to stare. You just look very familiar.
Woman: I get that a lot.

I didn't call you because we were in trouble... okay, we were in a pickle. But it wouldn't be the first time a had to fast talk my way out of a jam! I called you because you needed us.

Jedediah

Larry Daley: You know how you were telling me that the key to happiness was something but then the sun came up? I think I figured it out. It's doing what you love.
Teddy Roosevelt: I was going to say diet and exercise, but the love thing is good.

Larry Daley: A good place to check out is the miniatures.
Woman: Can you take me there? I always get lost.

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