[singing passionately] What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we're gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakers, well then we're shit out of luck.

Stu Price

Phil Wenneck: Whose fucking baby is that?
Stu Price: Alan, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the suite?
Alan Garner: Yeah, I checked all the rooms... no one's there. Check its collar or something.

Bruno: Drill Sergeant: Your finger's in my alley.
Brüno: Not yet.

Peter Klaven: Do you need a plastic bag, or...
Sydney Fife: Oh no. I don't clean up after my dog.

Why does everything I do sound like a leprechaun?

Peter Klaven

Ich bin Bruno!

Brüno

Brüno: Look at the four of us; we are so like the Sex In The City girls!
Donny: Oh, no we aren't either!
Brüno: Which one are you, Donny?
Donny: I ain't either one them! I'm Donny!
Brüno: That is such a Samantha thing to say!

You're king Osama looks like a kind of dirty wizard, or a homeless Santa!

Brüno

We have chosen your baby to be dressed as a Nazi Officer, pushing a wheelbarrow, with a Jewish baby, into an oven!

Brüno

A bear ate all my clothes except for these condoms.

Brüno

I am going to be the biggest Austrian celebrity since Hitler.

Brüno

Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you?

George Simmons

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