Popular Comedy Quotes
Claire Foster: Honey, If I'm gonna get whacked off, I...
Claire Foster: What are you smiling about?
Phil Foster: No, no, we might get bumped off. We're not going to get whacked off.
Claire Foster: I think we are!
Nurse, as I love you and you love me, you will bind my breast and buy me a boy's wig.Viola de Lesseps
You guys here for the suck-fest?Motel Owner
Bradley Fine: [has gun pointed at Tihomir] Tell me where the bomb is. Ten seconds or you're dead.
Tihomir Boyanov: Interesting. You see, when my men and I hid it, I made sure to erase any witnesses. And then I erased the erasers. Which means, I'm now the only one who knows just where that dangerously compact and transportable nuke is. So... I'd say I have more than ten seconds.
Bradley Fine: Well then in that case, I'd say you'd better st- [sneezes, shoots Boyanov between the eyes]
Bradley Fine: Oh, fuck...
Susan Cooper: [on earpiece] Oh my God, why did you do that?
Bradley Fine: I didn't do it on purpose; there's like a ton of pollen in here!
Sir Alexander Dane: [Guy is grinning at Alex] What?
Guy Fleegman: I'm just jazzed about being on the show, man.
Let's just start at the bottom and work our way back up to the top!Kermit
[seeking a match for her teacher] Unfortunately, There was a major babe drought at my school. The evil trolls from the math department were actually married and in the grand tradition of P.E. teachers, Ms. Stoger seemed to be same-sex oriented.Cher
Harry: Number One, why aren't you in when I fucking told you to be. Number Two, why doesn't this hotel have fucking phones with fucking voicemail on them and not have to leave messages with the fucking receptionist? Number Three you better fucking be in tomorrow night when I fucking call again or there'll be fucking Hell to pay. I'm fucking telling you.
Ray: Jeez, he swears a lot, doesn't he?
First we'll make snow angels for a two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we'll snuggle.Buddy
Penny Pingleton, you know you are punished. From now on your wearing a giant P on your blouse EVERY DAY to school so that the whole world knows that Penny Pingleton is permanently, positively, punished.Prudence
Hey Satan, I got some new luggage for our trip up to Earth. Let's fuck to celebrate.Saddam Hussein
This is my one chance at happiness. I have to be ruthless!Julianne Potter