Popular Comedy Quotes
Chip Douglas: Wow, the old McNair place. Never thought they'd get the floors clean after what happened.
Steven Kovacs: Why? What happened?
Chip Douglas: They had a lot of cats.
Bobby Pellitt: You can fire Professor Xavier.
Kurt: You mean Hank.
Bobby Pellitt: Creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special little secret chair.
Dear Max, I am sorry to say that I have secretly found out that Mr. Blume is having an affair with Miss Cross. My first suspicions came when I saw them Frenching in front of our house. And then I knew for sure when they went skinny dipping in Mr. Blume's swimming pool, giving each other handjobs while you were taking a nap on the front porch.Dirk Calloway
Were these magic grits? Did you get these grits from the same guy who sold Jack his bean stalk beans?Vinny Gambini
The Grandson: Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow.
Grandpa: As you wish.
Gill: My first escape. Landed on dentist tools. I was aiming for the toilet.
Nemo: The toilet?
Gill: All drains lead to the ocean, kid.
Nemo: Wow. How may times have you tried to get out?
Gill: Ah, I lost count.
Mrs. Dashwood: Why so grave? You disapprove her choice?
Marianne: By no means. Edward is very amiable.
Mrs. Dashwood: Amiable? But?
Marianne: There is something wanting. He's too sedate. His reading last night...
Mrs. Dashwood: Elinor has not your feelings. His reserve suits her.
Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket. I went to court, I got the cop on the stand, and I argued with him until he admitted he was wrong. And the judge, this Judge Malloy. All the while he's laughing and smiling. And then afterwards, he asks me to go to lunch with him. Then he says to me, "you know what? You'd be a good litigator." I didn't know what the hell he was talking about, I don't know what a litigator is. I never thought of becoming a lawyer. But this Judge Malloy, who's from Brooklyn, too? He did it, so all of a sudden, it seemed possible. So I went to law school.Vinny Gambini
[after hearing that his wife's been cheating on him] I couldn't hear you. There was a crack in the planet. WOW... that was noisy!John Clasky
Ethan Tremblay: [from trailer ]
[after taking another sip from a cup of coffee made from his dad's ashes]
Ethan Tremblay: Oh God! I'm so stupid.
It's just nice to meet another human that shares my affinity for elf culture.Buddy
The Dude: Look, just stay away from my fucking lady friend.
Da Fino: Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.
The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my fucking lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive.