Popular Comedy Quotes
I believe virtually everything I read, and I think that is what makes me more of a selective human than someone who doesn't believe anything.David St. Hubbins
[running ahead of giant gingerbread man] Run, run as fast as you can!Donkey
Fuck this weed is good.Eric
The Mayor of Who-ville: I have 96 daughters and 1 son.
Horton: [laughing] Whoa! Busy guy.
Kyle: Dude, that movie was fucking sweet!
Cartman: You bet your fuckin' ass it was!
Stan: Fuck, dude, I wanna be just like Terrence and Phillip!
Count Rugen: Your princess is quite a winning creature. A trifle simple, perhaps. Her appeal is undeniable.
Prince Humperdinck: I know, the people are quite taken with her. It's odd, but when I hired Vizzini to have her murdered on our engagement day, I thought that was clever. But it's going to be so much more moving when I strangle her on our wedding night. Once Guilder is blamed, the nation will truly be outraged... they'll demand we go to war!
Jerry: Hey, great gift dad.
Fletcher: Thanks son. I'm so glad my gift can bring the two of them together. My plan to phase myself out is almost complete.
You people voted for Hubert Humphrey, and you killed Jesus.Raoul Duke
Kimble, you've wasted years chasing after me, and what has it got you? Huh? Nothing! I'll be out of here in a week, and you'll still be eating takeout food in that dump you live in. Yeah! I know all about you, Kimble. Without me, you wouldn't even have a life. My old lady left because of the money. Yours left because she just couldn't stand the sight of you.Cullen Crisp
Hey, Jake. Jake. I gotta pull over.Elwood
[drives the Bluesmobile through a guardrail]
Mac: Oh, c'mon, we're like the sons you never had.
Captain O'Hagan: If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now.
Mac: Smothered me in gravy you big dirty man.
Who the fuck does she think she is?Jim McAllister