Constantine: My name will go down as the greatest thief of all time!
Dominic Badguy: You mean our names, right?
Constantine: Of course. My name first, then space bump, space bump, space bump, your name...

What is it with all the women in this family, that makes all the men in this family wanna leave?


Eli: Okay, you know what the three of us are? We're a tripod.
Matt: A tripod?
Eli: Yes, a tripod. Which means that if you knock out one of our legs... WE. ALL. FALL!

Janice Bowden: I hear baseball players make awfully good salaries nowadays.
Jake Taylor: Well it all depends on how good you are.
Janice Bowden: How good are you?
Jake Taylor: I make the league minimum.

Go to sleep! Why won't you just go to sleep!


Cindy Kim: Have you seen a Korean guy around here?
Hippie Student: Yeah, only when I open my eyes though.

Fat Bastard: First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SHITTER? I've got a turtle-head poking out.
Dr. Evil: Charming.
Fat Bastard: I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it's SQUIDGY. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know?

Sweet Sue: Idiot broads! Here we are, all packed, ready to leave for Miami, and what happens? The saxophone runs off with a Bible salesman, and the bass fiddle gets herself pregnant! Beinstock, I ought to fire you!
Beinstock: Me? I'm the manager of the band, not the night watchman.

While you were in space, I created a way for us to make huge sums of legitimate money, and still maintain the ethics and the business practices of an evil organization. I have turned us into talent agency; the Hollywood Talent Agency.

Number 2

Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.


Cady: Regina, wow, you look really beautiful.
Regina: I'm wearing a spinal halo.

I used to use this little gun when I was a prostitute.


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