Popular Comedy Quotes
Sergio Roma: I'm mind-fucking you right now.
Aaron Green: Well I hope you're dick has a condom on, because I have a dirty mind.
What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect.Aldous Snow
Lenny Feder: Higgy!
Marcus Higgins: Hey, what's up, Lenny? Buddy, I thought you were gonna start working out.
Lenny Feder: What does that mean?
Marcus Higgins: Um... you're fat.
Lenny Feder: No!
Roxanne Chase-Feder: [an old woman approaches them] And this must be your mother.
Rob Hilliard: My wife.
Roxanne Chase-Feder: I'm sorry!
Rob Hilliard: I'm not.
[kisses his wife]
Marcus Higgins: [onlooking] Oh, grody.
Bean Lamonsoff: Mommy, I want some milk.
Sally Lamonsoff: Come here. I'll give you a little something.
[starts breastfeeding Bean]
Roxanne Chase-Feder: Your son is so cute. How old is he?
Eric Lamonsoff: 48 months.
Kurt McKenzie: [pause] That's 4.
Eric Lamonsoff: [pause] Yeah.
Ay ay ay if I want to hear you talk I will shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet.P.K. Highsmith
Hey I did my first desk pop!Allen Gamble
(with wonder) Oh look, he's flying.Allen Gamble
(Yelling at Terry Hoitz) You should have shot A-Rod!Heckler
Makes me feel like I'm going shopping for a training bra.Terry Hoitz
Like a Viagra pill with a face!P.K. Highsmith
Talk to the cleaning lady on Monday. Because you'll be dust by Monday. Because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. The cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts.Todd Ingram