Popular Comedy Quotes
Juno MacGuff: I think I'm, like, in love with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?
Juno MacGuff: No, I mean, like, for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.
Brian's mom: Now is this the first time or the last time we do this?
Brian Johnson: Last.
Brian's mom: Good. Now use the time to your advantage.
Brian Johnson: Mom, we're not supposed to study, we just have to sit there and do nothing.
Brian's mom: Well mister, you better figure out a way to study.
Brian's sister: Yeah.
Seth: You dropped your purse, ma'am. Would you like me to help you with your shopping?
Seth: That would be lovely! Do you want me to buy you alcohol?
Seth: That would be lovely!
Old Lady: [at the cash register, after buying alcohol]
Seth: Enjoy your remaining years!
Seth: Enjoy fucking Jules!
Seth: I will!
I am not your consolation prize, Harry.Sally Albright
Well, it's like, how many babies fit the tire? You know, that old joke.Corky St. Clair
To Al's Toy Barn... and beyond.Buzz Lightyear
At least try to act white on television.Velma Van Tussle
Hey monkeys, how about a little respect. The presiding person of the university just walked in.Droz
[drunk. Leans in close to Patrick] Hey... your eyes have a little green in them.Kat Stratford
[Patrick smiles momentarily, then Kat vomits at his feet]
Gimbel's Manager: Six-inch ribbon curls, Honey.
Jovie: That's impossible.
Gimbel's Manager: Six inches!
[to Big] I curse the day you were born!Charlotte York
David Patrick: We stoped off for ice cream.
Winston: When the fuck did we get ice cream?