Mr. Chow: Did you die?
Phil: No, but i was shot.
Mr. Chow: But did you die?

I wish monkeys could skype.

Alan

I have a weakness for prostitutes apparently, all kinds.

Stu

Holla, City of Squalor!

Mr. Chow

K as in Knife.

Alan

Sometimes when you snort coke, your heart stops and starts up again. Read a book!

Mr. Chow

I was gonna have you sing 'Burn it Up' by the Jonas Brothers, but then I remembered you don't like Indie music.

Alan

Phil: You're not my friend!
Alan: Don't say that Phil, are you serious? Even in America!?
Stu: You're the bearded devil!

Phil: You ever do anything that doesn't end up in a standoff, Chow?
Mr. Chow: I'm an international criminal, it always ends like this.

Cher's main thrill in life is a makeover, it gives her a sense of control in a world full of chaos.

Dionne

You know how picky I am about my shoes, and they only go on my feet.

Cher

Why am I even listening to you to begin with? You're a virgin that can't drive!

Tai

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