Popular Comedy Quotes
E.B.: What are the newspapers for?
Fred: You know you're an animal, so..
E.B.: Oh, I understand. I'll just sleep down here, among my poo and pee, like a pig.
E.B.: Is she seeing anyone?
Fred: No. She's single and she's looking for a rabbit.
I have the talent, I have the drive.. (got hit by a car) I have to avoid whatever that was.E.B.
E.B.: Fred, I am special.
Fred: We are all special.
E.B.: You are not getting it. I mean I am really special.
I could bunk down anywhere, West wing, master suite, I'm not picky.E.B.
Fred: Don't eat that (E.B.'s jelly bean poop)
Fred: You might not like the flavor.
Sam: Fred, relax.
Sam: [crunch] Watermelon.
Woman on plane: I had a dream last night. That we went down.
Annie: Oh God.
Woman on plane: You were in it.
Annie: You read my diary.
Annie's roommate: At first I did not know it was your diary... I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.
Lillian: This is Becca, from work.
Becca: Is that your husband? [pointing to a man standing behind Lillian]
Annie: Oh no, I don't know him. I'm single.
Becca: I was just so distraught when I was single.
Annie: I'm fine being - by myself. [Becca makes a distressed face]
Lillian: You remember my cousin Rita. Rita just bought a new house. It is gorgeous.
Rita: I wouldn't know, I only see the kitchen and the laundry room, and the ceiling in my bedroom.
Rita: [after pause] Sometimes the floor.
Annie: You are going along with your life and you look around and you notice like Ohh. I am in my 30's, I am 40,000 dollar in debt. I live with a weirdo.
Lillian: You have a super creepy roommate.
[shouting] We all got the flu. Such a coincidence.Annie