Rabbi: Of course, the men will wear yarmulkes...
Tom: Definitely, I'll wear mine...
Violet: Babe, you don't have a yarmulke...
Tom: I have a whole...it's in my... my Jewish drawer.

Tom: You told me that it was gonna be two years. It's sort of like when you're on a treadmill, and you tell yourself "I want to run five miles today" and now, it's forever miles...
Violet: When was the last time you were on a treadmill? Sorry...

Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe... 20 million dollars?

General Aladeen

I love being an American.

General Aladeen

Zoey: Could you please take your hands off my breasts?
General Aladeen: Those are breasts? I thought you were a boy.

A ruby? What am I? A Kardashian?

Megan Fox

General Aladeen: Don't worry, I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't win 4 Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
Nadal: Yes you do, because you gave them to yourself!

I am very proud to be an American. I am America's number one douche.

General Aladeen

James Brennan: Maybe I'm not the right guy to run this game. I really... I think I should probably be on the rides department.
Bobby: Oh, no, no, no. No. You're more of a game guy.
Paulette: Yeah, you're very... you're very gamey.

Bobby: Have you ever seen a horse race before? Have you ever, like, heard one on the radio?
James Brennan: Harness racing or, like, the normal kind?
Paulette: That's a good question.
Bobby: That doesn't really matter. Look, the Kentucky Derby, have you seen the Kentucky Derby? The way they announce it on the radio, and it's really...
Paulette: Yeah, 100, 200, going...
Bobby: That's an auction, sweetie.
Paulette: Right.

Jack: We decided that, we want you to be on camera.
Alison Scott: Oh my god, really?
Jill: I know, I was so surprised too.

Oh, no, we're not asking you to lose weight. That would be illegal. We just want you to be healthy, by eating less. So go home, weigh yourself on a scale, write than down. Then subtract 20 from that number. And weigh that. Yeah.

Jill

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