There is no perfect cookie!

Suzie Barnes-Eilhauer

Sylvia: Any ideas when this wedding might happen? Grandparents do have a tendency to die.
Violet: Mom, they're all right there.
Sylvia: Well, for now...

This is supposed to be exciting. This is your wedding. You only get a few of these.

Suzie Barnes-Eilhauer

Rabbi: Of course, the men will wear yarmulkes...
Tom: Definitely, I'll wear mine...
Violet: Babe, you don't have a yarmulke...
Tom: I have a whole...it's in my... my Jewish drawer.

Tom: You told me that it was gonna be two years. It's sort of like when you're on a treadmill, and you tell yourself "I want to run five miles today" and now, it's forever miles...
Violet: When was the last time you were on a treadmill? Sorry...

Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe... 20 million dollars?

General Aladeen

I love being an American.

General Aladeen

A ruby? What am I? A Kardashian?

Megan Fox

General Aladeen: Don't worry, I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't win 4 Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
Nadal: Yes you do, because you gave them to yourself!

I am very proud to be an American. I am America's number one douche.

General Aladeen

James Brennan: Maybe I'm not the right guy to run this game. I really... I think I should probably be on the rides department.
Bobby: Oh, no, no, no. No. You're more of a game guy.
Paulette: Yeah, you're very... you're very gamey.

Bobby: Have you ever seen a horse race before? Have you ever, like, heard one on the radio?
James Brennan: Harness racing or, like, the normal kind?
Paulette: That's a good question.
Bobby: That doesn't really matter. Look, the Kentucky Derby, have you seen the Kentucky Derby? The way they announce it on the radio, and it's really...
Paulette: Yeah, 100, 200, going...
Bobby: That's an auction, sweetie.
Paulette: Right.

FREE Movie Newsletter