They let me go early! I won 'Most cooperative inmate' four months running.

Ned

I gotta get back to work on the "tomnion." It's a cross-pollination between a tomato and an onion.

Ned

Your personality gets in the way of your looks. Your very good looks.

Ned

Miranda: Well, come on Liz, I mean look, I don't know, what's going on with your hair here? It's like a science experiment back there. And I know you own contacts, you know. And you're wearing plastic shoes and, I mean, what's this shirt even made of?
Liz: It's flax.
Miranda: See, isn't that a food? You're wearing food!

Cindy: Who's the man Ned?
Ned: Me.
Cindy: Yes. Say it, who's the man?
Ned: Who's the man?

Our idiot brother just ruined my freaking life!

Natalie

I like to think that if you put your trust out there, I mean if you really give people the benefit of the doubt and see their best intentions, people will rise to the occasion.

Ned

Adam: You really think that a girl is going to go for me just 'cause I have cancer?
Kyle: For the millionth time. Yes!

If you were a casino game, you would have the best odds.

Kyle

Kyle: You have cancer?
Adam: They found it yesterday.
Kyle: They found it yesterday? Who found it?
Adam: My cleaning lady found it in the back of my jeans. Who do you think found it?

Celebrities beat cancer all the time. Lance Armstrong, he keeps getting it.

Kyle

Adam's Mom Diane: I'm moving in.
Adam: No.
Adam's Mom Diane: I'm your mother, Adam.
Adam: Exactly.

FREE Movie Newsletter