They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!


We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.


I haven't had sex since I got to America.


[Nick, Dale and Kurt are visiting Dave in prison] Hello Nick, guy who saved my life, guy who fucked my wife.

Dave Harken

This is glue. Strong stuff.


David Skylark: Holy f***amole! A tank!
Kim Jong-un: It was a gift from my grandfather from Stalin.
David Skylark: In my country it’s pronounced Stallone.

Don't be so hard on yourself, you got mad skills.

Randy Daytona

[Dale and Saul are running and Dale sees Saul jump into a dumpster]
Dale Denton: Whoa, whoa! I gotta get to a phone man. Come on!
Saul: No, no! I think we should stay.
Dale Denton: Why?
Saul: [pause] Cause I'm in the dumpster already.

You're not a standup guy today, Pat!


You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen year old girls everyday?


Audrey: Where were you?
Fletcher: Having sex.
Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone *very* special!

Gretta: And your ex-wife called, she wants to know when you're coming to pick up your son.
Fletcher: Oh, I'm such a shit!

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