Popular Comedy Quotes
They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!Bluto
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.Andrew
I haven't had sex since I got to America.Semmi
[Nick, Dale and Kurt are visiting Dave in prison] Hello Nick, guy who saved my life, guy who fucked my wife.Dave Harken
This is glue. Strong stuff.Elwood
David Skylark: Holy f***amole! A tank!
Kim Jong-un: It was a gift from my grandfather from Stalin.
David Skylark: In my country it’s pronounced Stallone.
Don't be so hard on yourself, you got mad skills.Randy Daytona
[Dale and Saul are running and Dale sees Saul jump into a dumpster]
Dale Denton: Whoa, whoa! I gotta get to a phone man. Come on!
Saul: No, no! I think we should stay.
Dale Denton: Why?
Saul: [pause] Cause I'm in the dumpster already.
You're not a standup guy today, Pat!Tiffany
You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen year old girls everyday?Beanie
Audrey: Where were you?
Fletcher: Having sex.
Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone *very* special!
Gretta: And your ex-wife called, she wants to know when you're coming to pick up your son.
Fletcher: Oh, I'm such a shit!