Popular Comedy Quotes
Terry Fields: Pardon me, sir, but I lost my I.D. in... in a flood and I'd like to get some Old Harper, hard stuff. Would you mind buying a bottle for me?
Bum at Liquor Store: Why certainly! I lost my wife, too - her name wasn't Idy, though, and it wasn't in a flood - but I know what ya...
Terry Fields: Thanks, here's enough for a pint.
Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!Mike
She called me and asked for my number.Steve Stifler
Son, you're about as useful as a poopy-flavored lollipop.Patches O'Houlihan
Andrew: Speak for yourself.
Bender: Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language.
Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.Jeremy Grey
That's called the quart of blood technique... you do that and a quart of blood will come out a guyBilly Ray Valentine
The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.Fletcher
Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man, two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, cause chicks dig a dude with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well the kind of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Beaver #1: What you get for lunch?
Beaver #2: Wood. What you get?
Beaver #1: Wood. Wanna trade?
Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.Walter Sobchak
Who the fuck is Bambi?Clarence 'Coffee' Black