Popular Comedy Quotes
Costa: We'll have a whole day to fix this place up like new.
Thomas: What about this? (points to the camera) What if my parents see it?
Costa: Nobody's going to see this but us, I promise.
Jimmy Kimmel (on his show): So you know, this high school party in Pasadena -- have you seen the footage?
Tonight's about the girls we never had a shot at. Tonight's about changing the game.Costa
It's on till the break of dawn!Costa
Wear something tight.Costa
The only thing you're working on is diabetes you fat (expletive).Costa
(Expletive) you science!Jenko
Deputy Chief Harvey: Do you even know the Miranda rights?
Jenko: It obviously starts with... you have the right to... remain an attorney...
Deputy Chief Harvey: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?
Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to...
Can you two stop (expletive) with the Korean Jesus!Captain Dickson
When did I get stabbed?! That's awesome!Schmidt
You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' mother (expletive). You will be going in as undercover high school students.Captain Dickson
When did you go through puberty? Like at seven or something?Mr. Walters
Domingo: You guys even real cops? You look like kids in Halloween
Jenko: Hey! You want me to beat your dick off?
Domingo: You want to beat my dick off?
Schmidt: I think what he was trying to say was, he's gonna punch you so many times round the genital area that your dick's just gonna fall off.