Popular Comedy Quotes
When did I get stabbed?! That's awesome!Schmidt
You are here because you some Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus lookin' mother (expletive). You will be going in as undercover high school students.Captain Dickson
When did you go through puberty? Like at seven or something?Mr. Walters
Domingo: You guys even real cops? You look like kids in Halloween
Jenko: Hey! You want me to beat your dick off?
Domingo: You want to beat my dick off?
Schmidt: I think what he was trying to say was, he's gonna punch you so many times round the genital area that your dick's just gonna fall off.
Put your tongue back in your mouth.Mr. Walters
Let me check out your chest... Let me check out your test.Ms. Griggs
You're just like your mother, a big heart but simple. You cannot help me, I need someone smart, and if you were smart you would know that you are dumb.Miguel Ernesto
DEA Agent Parker: Do. You. Speak American?
Armando Alvarez: No sir. I don't speak American.
My woman, Miss Lopez, must love the land as I do.Armando Alvarez
Raul Alvarez: I'd like to propose a toast and thank those who have come from so far. But I would like to specially thank someone -- someone who many of you have often called stupid, imbecile, fat head, but...he's a guy with a big heart. I propose a toast for my brother. For your happiness Armando.
Armando Alvarez: Yes, to Raul's happiness. May you enjoy all of life's pleasure. Even if it means the destruction of the family!
Onza: Sonia, why are you sleeping with this dirty rancher?
Armando Alvarez: Say away, or I'll beat you with these hands!
I am Armando Alvarez!Armando Alvarez