Popular Comedy Quotes
Family Feud Steve Harvey, how could he throw us under the bus like that?!Cedric
There is no such thing as a perfect man.Lauren
Cedric (to Shannon Brown and Ron Artest/Metta World Peace): Why don't you and the stronger version of Prince go back down to that side of the court and do what y'all was doing. Cause if y'all want the court, you'll play us for the court like real men.
Ron Artest/Metta World Peace: So y'all wanna play for it?
Cedric: You heard what I said... am I stuttering?
I need to be helped. I need you to rub my back, put me in my onesie...whatever you need to do baby, I'm yours!Cedric
I don't know if we should be doing anything too official.Evan
Tom: We both know I deserve to get super laid for this.
Violet: Do you want me to wear a cape or something?
Tom: I want the show.
Violet: You get the Cirque du Soleil of shows...
It feels like I'm drinking out of Chewbacca's Dick!Alex Eilhauer
There is no perfect cookie!Suzie Barnes-Eilhauer
Sylvia: Any ideas when this wedding might happen? Grandparents do have a tendency to die.
Violet: Mom, they're all right there.
Sylvia: Well, for now...
This is supposed to be exciting. This is your wedding. You only get a few of these.Suzie Barnes-Eilhauer
Rabbi: Of course, the men will wear yarmulkes...
Tom: Definitely, I'll wear mine...
Violet: Babe, you don't have a yarmulke...
Tom: I have a whole...it's in my... my Jewish drawer.
Tom: You told me that it was gonna be two years. It's sort of like when you're on a treadmill, and you tell yourself "I want to run five miles today" and now, it's forever miles...
Violet: When was the last time you were on a treadmill? Sorry...