That's my boy!

Donny

Jamie: Todd, your old man's here to see you!
Donny: WASSUP!

Todd: You were basically the worst parent ever!
Donny: I was awesome!
Todd: You let me eat cake and lollipops for breakfast every day!
Donny: That's what you asked for!
Todd: You're supposed to say no!

Donny: What'd I do to his back?
Todd: Let me jog your memory...
Donny: The New Kids on the Block! The heads are all warped!
Todd: That's because I got it in third grade, my body grew!

Todd: You know, what I remember is ME having to drive YOU home from the beach that time, because you were too drunk!
Donny: Somebody else's dad would have had another guy drive home!
Todd: I was eight!
Donny: And you drove like a fucking champ too.

Ever since you showed up, Todd's been acting like a different person!

Jamie

Ted: Thunder Buddies for life, right, Johnny?
John: Fucking right!
Ted: All right, come on, let's sing The Thunder Song."
John: All right.
John & Ted: When you hear the sound of thunder, don't you get too scared. Just grab your thunder buddy and say these magic words. Fuck you, thunder! You can suck my dick! You can't get me, thunder, 'cause you're just God's farts.

Y'know, they're hookers. So it's fine.

Ted

That's my bad, I was sending a tweet.

Ted

I swear to God, her name is Sauvingon Blanc. Show her your Chevron card.

Ted

I wish I'd just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin!

John

John: You don't think she's gonna be expecting something big, do you?
Ted: What, like anal?

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