Popular Comedy Quotes
Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?
Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.
Casino Dealer: 17.
Number Two: Hit me.
Casino Dealer: You have 17, sir.
Number Two: I like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: 21. Very good, sir.
Austin Powers: [has 5] I'll stay.
Casino Dealer: I suggest you hit, sir.
Austin Powers: I also like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer: 20 beat your 5 sir. I'm sorry, sir.
Austin Powers: Well I must admit, cards aren't my bag, baby.
A bear ate all my clothes except for these condoms.BrÃ¼no
Otter: Ah, she broke our date.
Boon: Washing her hair?
Otter: Dead mother.
Thorny: All right Arlo, why don't you hop up on Uncle Rabbit's lap?
Rabbit: [Indicating that he still has an erection] I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorny!
...And will you, for the love of God, put on a fucking shirt?Phil Foster
Turk Malloy: Are you in yet?
Virgil Malloy: I hate that question
Smokey: Older the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Craig Jones: Man, it's the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice.
Smokey: Yeah, well she blacker than a motherfucker too.
One day you'll be cool. Look under your bed, it'll set you free.Anita Miller
Ooh, a cottage! How charming. A little cottage is always very snug.Fanny
If I'm wrong, nothing happens! We go to jail - peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it! But if I'm *right*, and we *can* stop this thing... Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters.Dr. Peter Venkman
Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!Mike