Julius Benedict: My name is Julius and I am your twin brother.
Vincent Benedict: Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.

Vincent Benedict: [impressed with Julius's fighting abilities] You could be a boxer or something. I could be your manager.
Julius Benedict: No, I could never fight for money.
Vincent Benedict: Well that's fine. You fight, I'll keep the money.

Julius Benedict: Actually, I hate violence. Vincent Benedict: But you're so good at it!

I don't know what the problem is, but I'm sure it can be solved without resorting to violence.

Julius Benedict

Female Neighbor: Excuse me? Excuse me. Never sleep with that man, never loan him money, and never believe a word he tells you. That's free advice.
Vincent Benedict: Morning, Agnes.

You know, kindergarten is like the ocean. You don't want to turn your back on it.

Joyce

Joseph: [to Phoebe] Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.
Phoebe: [to Kimble] Well, I see you've covered the basics.

We're going to play a wonderful game called... "Who is my daddy and what does he do?"

Detective John Kimble

[in unison] Our mom says our dad is a real sex machine.

Rina, Tina

My dad's a gynecologist. He looks at vaginas all day long.

Joseph

Detective John Kimble: I have a headache. Lowell: It might be a tumor.
Detective John Kimble: It's not a tumor! It's not a tumor. At all!

SHUUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

Detective John Kimble

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