Popular Comedy Quotes
Andrew Clark: So... what's your poison?
Andrew Clark: ... Ok, forget I asked.
Allison Reynolds: Vodka.
Andrew Clark: Oh yeah? How much vodka do you drink?
Allison Reynolds: Tons.
Peter Venkman: [outside the courthouse] We're the best. We're the beautiful. We're the only Ghostbusters.
Ray: We're back!
I shot Santa Claus in the face. He's real, and I shot him in the face.Harold
Jimmy: Meet your groomsmen!
Doug Harris: These guys can not be my groomsmen. It looks like the entire cast of Goonies grew up and became rapists!
Ray: What are they doing over there? They're filming something. They're filming midgets!
[Ray runs off and watches Jimmy being instructed by the director, who Jimmy flicks off as soon as he leaves]
Ken: Ray, come on. Let's go.
Ray: My ass let's go. They're filming midgets.
I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.Rob
It's got, ah, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. and that Jewish actor...Alan Garner
What'd you do that for? You realize he just thinks you're trying to get him into a threeway with us now, don't you?Dante Hicks
Norm Gunderson: I love you, Margie.
Marge Gunderson: I love you, Norm.
There's a mirror right there. Take a look, you're white.Denise
They let me go early! I won 'Most cooperative inmate' four months running.Ned
William: Witness Exhibit A: My 8th Grade science project - a working rain forest. Mike Dexter threw it out a third story window. It rains here no more. Witness Exhibit B: An eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film. I saw no third dimension. And of course, how could I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight, Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night.