Popular Comedy Quotes
Sugar: Been waiting long?
Junior: [gallantly] It's not how long you wait, it's who you're waiting for!
Can Marion be a boy's name?Bowler Hat Guy
Anita Miller: First it was butter then it was sugar and white flour, bacon, eggs, balogna, rock 'n roll, motorcycles. Then! It was celebrating Christmas on a day in September when you knew it wouldn't be commercialized! What else are you gonna ban?
Elaine Miller: Honey, you want to rebel against knowledge, I'm trying to give you the cliffnotes on how to live life in this world.
Anita Miller: We're like nobody else I know!
Elaine Miller: I am a college professor. Why can't I teach my own kids? Use me!
Anita Miller: Darryl says that you use knowledge to keep me down. He says that I'm a "Yes" person and you are trying to raise us in a "No" environment.
Elaine Miller: Well, clearly "No" is a word Darryl doesn't hear much.
Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.Richard Vernon
Joseph: [to Phoebe] Boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina.
Phoebe: [to Kimble] Well, I see you've covered the basics.
You are such a disappointing pair. I prayed so hard for you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young boys I taught to believe in the Ten Commandments have come back to me as two thieves. With filthy mouths. And bad attitudes. Get out... And don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves...Sister Mary Stigmata
Holden: So, uh, what do you wanna do tonight?
Banky Edwards: I dunno. Get a pizza, watch "Degrassi Jr. High."
Holden: You got a weird thing for Canadian melodrama.
Banky Edwards: I got a weird thing for girls who say, "Aboot."
Archie: You're going to shoot me?
Otto: [in a pompous, English accent] Yep, 'fraid so, ol' chap! Sorry!
Harry Burns: That's it? Some faceless guy rips off all your clothes, and THAT'S the sex fantasy you've been having since you were 12?
Sally Albright: Well sometimes I vary it a little.
Harry Burns: Which part?
Sally Albright: What I'm wearing.
Westley: I told you I would always come for you. Why didn't you wait for me?
Buttercup: Well... you were dead.
Westley: Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.
Buttercup: I will never doubt again.
Westley: There will never be a need.
I got to rent movies, fuck with assholes, and hang out with my best friend, Dante.Randal Graves
I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding Vag.Seth