Sally Albright: The first date back is always the toughest, Harry.
Harry Burns: You only had one date. How do you know it's not going to get worse?
Sally Albright: How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table?
Harry Burns: We're talking dream date compared to my horror.

I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy!

Brennan Huff

Wanda: To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?
Otto: Apes don't read philosophy.
Wanda: Yes they do, Otto, they just don't understand it.

Sit yo sexy ass down, so you can watch yourself die!


[on parenting] It's like your Aunt Edna's ass. It goes on forever and it's just as frightening.


But, by the time I figured this all out, it was too late; she moved on. And all I had to show for it was some foolish pride which then gave way to regret. She was the girl. I know that now. But, I pushed her away. So I've spent everyday since then chasing Amy. So to speak.

Silent Bob

Patrick: Some asshole paid me to take out this really great girl.
Kat Stratford: Is that right?
Patrick: Yeah, but I screwed up. I, um, I fell for her.

I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.

Wayne Campbell

Buzz, Buzz! My backend's going to Baton Rouge!

Slinky Dog

I'm not a homophobe, I'm a pulling out-my-penis in-front-of you-ophobe.

Dave Buznik

Rusty Ryan: Are you alright?
Danny Ocean: Yeh, um, I just bit into a red pepper.
Rusty Ryan: Is that... are you... are you watching Oprah?

Last I heard, my gym makes money. Yours doesn't. My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four. I have shareholders. You haven't even got cup holders.

White Goodman

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