Rabinowitz: What are you reading?
Topper: Great Expectations.
Rabinowitz: Is it any good?
Topper: It's not what I'd hoped for.

Farva: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.
Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Double bacon cheeseburger. It's for a cop.
Farva: What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now?
Dimpus Burger Guy: No, I just told him that so he makes it good.
Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Don't spit in that cop's burger.
Farva: Yeah, thanks.

Guido: Listen to me.
Joel Goodson: No, no. You listen to ME!
Guido: [hangs up]
Joel Goodson: Shit!

"Coquille St. Jacques." Death on a leaf!


I wish I'd just gotten a Teddy Ruxpin!


Marty, find out where the police are going to be taking him. Send over a bottle of bubbly with a bucket of ice and a card. Have it say, "Tough break, get drunk on me. Use the bucket to ice down your marbles, Yours, Z."

Ray Zalinsky

Lindsey Meeks: No, it's the game!
Ben: No, I'm fine. It's just a game.

I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored.

Wayne Campbell

Buzz, Buzz! My backend's going to Baton Rouge!

Slinky Dog

Holden: They used you!
Alyssa: No! I used them! You don't think I would've let it happen if I hadn't wanted to? Do you? I was an experimental girl for Christ sake! Maybe you knew from early on your track was from point A to be, but unlike you I was not given a fucking map at birth, so I tried it all! That is until we, you and I, got together and suddenly I was sated!

I may be off, but I think it's in reference to blowin' a dude.


You are total catch. Any guy would by psyched to be your man. You should just make room for someone who is nice to you.


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