John: So, what do you reckon to our new Prime Minister, then?
Judy: I like him. Can't understand why he's not married, though.
John: Oh, you know the type. Married to his job. Either that or gay as a picnic basket.

Thorny: [after pulling car over] Do you know how fast you were going back there?
College Kid 1: Umm... 65?
Thorny: 63.
College Kid 1: But... isn't the speed limit 65?
Thorny: Yeah. It is.
College Kid 2: [stoned] I'm freakin' out, man!

Father Brian Finn: I got you something. I almost didn't because I was so mad but this is too good.
Rabbi Jake Schram: Holy shit! It's the Rabbi Schlomo Schnurson rookie card! It's like the last in the series!

[In the wedding]
Alan Garner: How's my hair?
Stu Price: That's good.
Alan Garner: It's cool like Phil's?
Stu Price: It's classic Phil.

Tommy Frigo: Don't get all drunk and fall asleep.
James Brennan: Why?
Tommy Frigo: 'cause i'll jack off on your face.

Daniel: And I'm afraid there's something really wrong, you know. I mean, clearly it's about his mum, but Christ, he might be injecting heroin into his eyeballs for all I know.
Karen: At the age of eleven?
Daniel: Maybe not his eyeballs, then. Maybe just his veins.

[during Who is Your Daddy game] My daddy works on a computer all day, and is the head of his company and he, um, he has a moustache and a beard, and he-he doesn't have a lot of hair, and cuz-um, since his head is so big, he can't wear any hats.


Amber Van Tussle: Do you relate to the music of Leslie Gore?
Nadine: Look, she ain't no James Brown... but I can dance to Lawrence Welk if I have to.

Borat Sagdiyev: What kind of car can I buy that attract woman with hairless vagine?
Car Dealership owner: That would be a Corvette.

I'd like to be cowboys from Arizona or pimps from Oakland but it's not Halloween. Grow up; Peter Pan, Count Chocula.

John Beckwith

If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.


He's black! He's been through a lot!


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